"Hi guys," I said as I began to speak to the crowd, palms sweaty and shaky with a bit of stage fright. "I have something to tell you and I don't think it will sit well with any of you." I quivered some more and breathed in trying to call myself, trying to activate some kind of coping mechanism. "This is something I've been living with for quite some time now and I think you have a right to know, as my friends." I almost chickened out but I looked to my best friend for moral support and she nodded and winked, calling me down. I willed myself to go on and continued - "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier but I didn't want anyone to pity me so please don't, even after you hear this. Here goes...".
I removed my woolen hat to reveal a bald head to which this provoked quite a few giggles, laughs even.
"I have cancer, and it's malignant."
The most abrupt stop to a laugh resounded and an eerie silence echoed through the auditorium. Never before had I seen so many unblinking eyes staring at me as I exited the stage, smiling.
I had decided to say this in church, in front of all my friends because it had been too long and I was not able to keep it bottled up anymore. My name is William Harper and I am only seventeen years and nine months old. I knew it would seem kind of sudden to them but I had already accepted that my days were numbered. It was only a matter of time before it was over and after what seemed like a very short time, which was two years, I felt that everyone that I knew deserved to know. It was only fair.
It was just a section of the church that I went to. It was only the youth and everyone knew me, so it was no surprise the reaction that I received after uttering those few words. At first, they thought it was a sick joke then it sink that I wasn't the type to remove my hair just for laughs. To some extent, I had a bit of a narcissistic love for my hair and people knew it, but didn't rub it in. I went back to the seat I was in originally as eyes burns into me, trying to decipher whether or not I was lying.
"Please tell us that you're joking Will, " Roland asked, with a desperate look on her face, Kimberly and Natalie sitting next to her seemingly unable to speak." Please, Will? " she begged.
" This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. This is why I didn't tell you. Please don't make this more difficult than it already is. "
Suddenly Kim jolted to life as if coming out of a trance and asked," How much more time do you have left? "
"Give or take, about seven months. This is going to be my last birthday. "
Natalie looked at me with her eyes glazed over, looking like I did after coming out of the hospital with anesthetic still in my system, almost callously and she also asked, "Are we not your closest friends? Were we not going to help you cope?"
I couldn't reply to that. It was simply a series of questions that I didn't want to answer only because I couldn't. I apologized and in turn received hugs. It was at the point that tears began to well up my eyes and I began to cry.
Was this going to be my last few months with the people I love?
I turned and walked away as gaily as I could. I looked in a window and couldn't help but notice that the gait I usually have was not present anymore. I was now moping, as if I hadn't accepted that I was going to die soon when in actual fact, I had. I was just in control of what happens to me over the next few months. Whether or not I could live life to the fullest was totally up to me, and I planned to, no matter the circumstance.
I'm my pool of thought, I came across a person I had almost forgotten. Her name was Isabella. She and I had forged a relationship like no other at one point in time. Then in a text, she ended our friendship - "i have to distance myself from you because people now think that we are dating and its pissing my bf off. So I gotta do what's best for my relationship. Bye. "
Initially it had made me mad because she wasn't able to tell me face to face and because she had listened to what other people said about her, which was not a way I governed my life. We had not spoken since and I was fine with it, until today...
"Hey Will," she said nervously
"What's up? "
" I wanted to apologize for what I said back then. I didn't know and I want you to forgive me. "
"Are you telling me or asking me? " I replied, pontificating on whether or not to spite her.
"I'm asking for your forgiveness Will, please?"
"Okay," I said, "It doesn't matter anyways. I just resent what you did, not you."
"So do you wanna hang out sometime? To catch up? Just like we did not so long ago?"
"No." Then I walked away, trying to force the stop of a formation of a sly smile on the right edge of my chapped lips. I did not like her anymore. She treated me like shit after she ended or friendship and now, because I was dying, she wanted to get on my good side. Some people are not worth keeping as friends ; and I did not want to keep a person with such a quality in my life so I had to cut be off.
On my way back, I saw my best friend, Zoe, after which she and I took a walk. She was actually very cute bordering on beautiful. She and I had known each other for quite some time and it was an honor to have her as a friend. People often thought the was a lot more going on between us but we did not care. We knew the truth so it did not matter at all; we just continued to be friends. She was the only one who I had told of my condition and she was aware that I was going to tell everyone. With her brow creased and her head tilted she stopped me, looked me in the eye and she asked me this, "What happens next?"
