Felipe P.O.V.
I hop in my car, my old crusty mini van. I look in the mirror, my comb over looks dank and my one brow is on fleek. "Damn", I think to myself as I see my sexy, thin, chapped, cold sore-covered lips. I lick them to give them a bit of moisture before putting the keys in the ignition. It's almost nine o clock, time to start taking orders at the Burger King just around the corner.
As I attempt to start the car, I think back to the night before. It was wonderful. I watched a Dr. Phil marathon and afterwards, had some sexy time with my Ultra Soft™ Dr. Phil print body pillow. I cut a hole just big enough for me to fit. It's the best we've had in a while, maybe he'll let me penetrate his big, masculine cotton stuffed body once again tonight. I snap out of it only to look down and realize that I popped a boner. Oh well, I suppose it'll go away once I get to work.
I pull on my Burger King hat and start driving. I pull into the smooth parking lot and get out of the mini van. As I walk through the doors, I hear Ronaldo screaming at me once again. Ronaldo doesn't speak a lick of English so he kind of sounds like a wood chipper full of dead bodies to us all. But his grease-covered, giraffe-like neck and toes made up for it. "I'd hit that." I think to myself.
"DAMN FELIPE, BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THOSE AIR FORCE JUANS!" Talia screams in reference to my Walmart white trash crocs. She's like fourteen though, four more years until I can legally hit that. I get back to my register when I see a familiar face walk in. "Hello sir, welcome to Burger King, what can I get you today?" I say in a monotone Morgan Freeman on acid voice. I look up at the man's face after a prolonged silence, only to see him staring back at me. His grey, wiry, thick mustache hairs have small moldy crumbs from a morning snack.
He looked so familiar, I knew I had tapped that before. I couldn't believe it, it was my neighbor Bill. I knew I'd seen him up close and personal before. Just at the moment, another man who I recognized walked in, I pinched myself as if I was dreaming. He was real, it was Dr. Phil.
===========================
Hello, yes I know this is horrible, stop yourself now, I'm warning you. It only gets weirder.
ESTÁS LEYENDO
Phil Me Up
HumorDr. Phil had enough of his job of being a phycologist with just as many problems as his clients. He decided to quit his show and pursue his lifelong dream of being....a stripper. His wife, or should I say, ex-wife, left him for a woman when she real...
