Make Your Choice

I walked along the broken sidewalk. I felt as though the streams of tears upon my face matched the cracks that littered the concrete.Flashbacks of the previous hours attacked my mind and disoriented my vision.

"You knew how I felt, how much he meant to me!" She exclaimed. I was so confused. She was my best friend, so why would I hurt her? What did I do?

"I don't unders-"

"Don't try to cover up what you did with lies! You know what? Don't even talk to me! I thought you were my friend, but I guess everyone makes mistakes," She interrupted, turning her heel and walking away. I felt something in my heart shatter, as I watched my only friend walkaway.

I was momentarily released from the flashback attack. I focused my eyes on the gray beneath me and the black shoes that interrupted it. I tall seemed to be blurred together. I had an ominous feeling deep down in my core that something was going to happen. Before I could interrogate myself though, I was bombarded with another flashback,this time from the first class of the day.

"Listen...I don't want you to think of me as the bad guy here. I tried to give you extra marks, I honestly did. You're a smart girl and you can do a lot better. I can't give you a rewrite though," my teacher explained. He continued trying to justify the 23% I scored on my test, but I wasn't listening. I could already imagine the disappointment in my mother's eyes.

Back in reality, I began stressing about showing her the results. She would say something like, "Oh honey. Don't worry about it." Of course she would lie for my sake, for my brother's sake. My mother tries so hard to make us feel hopeful, like we can survive on her low paying salary with no other adult to rely on. Being a single mom,with a 7-year old little boy and a hormonal 15-year old girl, has really taken it's toll on her good looks. When I was younger and didn't understand the world, I used to wonder how my father could have left such a pretty lady.

My brother would always agree, even if he couldn't remember what she looked like before my dad left. My brother was a little bundle of joy, and it felt good to be considered his hero. Because of me though, he won't ever get what he wants. My mom can't support all of us and buy a race car bed, or a remote-controlled helicopter.

Suddenly my tears halted, as did my movements. I knew how to solve all my problems. My best friend wouldn't have to worry about what I did if I never came back to school. My mother would only have to support her and my little brother if I was gone. I wouldn't be able to torture myself if I didn't exist. I finally knew how to stop this spiral of bad events I considered my life. From then on, I moved and thought in monotone but everything seemed so surreal.

Like a zombie, I entered our small apartment, throwing my bag on to the kitchen floor. I took out a sticky note and wrote a quick message to my mother about my small savings of $60 that I had saved to buy my brother a helicopter. After I stuck the note to the refrigerator, I headed towards the roof. I had discovered that if you pull up on the door handle, you can bypass the lock. It had been me and my friend's hang out place for a while, until a staff member told us we weren't allowed up there and began checking every day at 5. I still remember how many funny stories we had discussed up there, and how many juicy secrets were released into the atmosphere.