What Is Love? (Canada X Country!Reader) (Complete)

Chapter 19

Your POV

I wasn't really shy ,yet I was! if you could say that... I choose to be alone, I would shut down people I'd meet. I was all false.. very false. I remember how I never really wanted to talk to all those countries in the meeting ,but I kept this false mask of me being the friendly sweet girl they can trust . When I only did that so that I'd make good connections and alliances with the nation's so I could keep my country afloat. I was all false. He was all kindness and I'm just a cold hard block of logic.

I began to think of bad and negative things that I shouldn't be thinking about at all well that's until ,the sweet Canadian snapped me from my trance of thinking.

"Are you alright Maple? Do you need a rest you seem to be spacing out quite often." He said his soft sweet voice ringing through my ears making me stop thinking of those very 'negative' things about myself.

"I'm alright.. I was just thinking.." I said and gave him a smile, a smile that I hope would be good enough to reassure him that I was okay.

"Well, let's eat!" He said as he pulled over my seat and I sat down then he pushed it back. Kumajiro sat in the middle as usual and this time, I watched Mattie prepare his pancakes first. And well I copied him ofcourse I don't wanna do it the wrong way again.

I ate the pancakes in silence, I didn't want to start a conversation since I think Mattie was enjoying the pancakes very much. It would be a shame to cut him off his enjoyment.

As per usual I kept thinking again. I realized I told Kumajiro that I liked Mattie! And honestly I did. I really did! I loved him with all my heart. He radiated this sort of kindness and caring sort of feeling to me, and I really loved it. The way I still know how he cares for me even if he doesn't say it at all. The way he'd just look at me I would know that he does.

To me he cared so much, but no one gave him the same care he gave back. I wanted to do that.. I want to see the kind and endearing smile plastered upon his face and the blush that would show up in his cheeks. Since affection was all so very alien to him. Infact I'm not even sure if I could give him care, since my heart is all so very cold.

I remember how I was opposed to the Idea of caring, of love, or emotion. But when I realized how great it felt to feel cared and loved. How I 'do' need it like everyone else I began to like that idea of 'Caring' but I was still quite on the edge with it. Since people looked for this so much they end up hurting themselves which I found stupid, and I never liked anything senseless.

~flash back~

My Boss wanted me to practice my 'social skills' he had called it. Since he says I shut people down too often. Infact because of this I am now sitting in a fancy table wearing a fancy dress being forced to socialize with the guest in such a formal event.

I am not fond of these things at all since I think alot of people and nations like me are just plain stupid. I mean seriously? I noticed that half of them cause their own stupid problems and they blame the government.

Most people cause their own pain, they accept what people think of them. They let it get in their head I realized in all my life of observing these people and how their pathetic minds work. Is that they Care they care all too much, they care about how people think of them and how people will love them.

They give Care and they don't get Care in return! Why not just care. Why not just ignore these emotions. I honestly find it very easy to ignore emotions. What I have is alone and alone protects me, it is my shield.

I don't have this shield because I don't like them. Infact sometimes I feel sorry for them I want to help them! But they can't get my idea in their thick heads. All these people care about is beauty! They love someone because of beauty! Their blind ,and they cry for they simply do not know how to THINK deeply and thoughtfully.

"Hello, would you like a dance?" Someone said I looked up to see a very handsome young man just about my age.

"Sure." I said giving of a smile in hopes that it fools him, ofcourse it did. To him I was just a face a pretty face. I could see a fake smile from a mile away. Especially my fake smiles, I was bad at it. I kept practicing it but it just won't work.

We danced and danced and I saw my boss wink at me. Oh! He/she always wanted me to be more social, but I just didn't want to at all. I didn't need friends. The company of myself was already plenty.

"Excuse me but may I sit back down. I've gotten awfully tired. " I said and smiled kindly.

"Sure I'll get you a drink." He said.

I gave a sight and ditched the party. I've had it with these social events it's the most pointless thing on earth. Why not just get the people who you are close to in a less huge party. This way everyone actually cares for the party.

I didn't understand these people, I might never will. And I don't intend to understand them if they can't understand me.

I went to a secluded area and took out the book I was reading before this party. Books amazed me and I loved them,it's just that someone could create this huge world that came from their minds ,and they bring it to life in someone else's.

To me there wasn't right and wrong, there was only the sensible and senseless. Or to put it in simple perspectives there were things that made 'sense' to do and the things that didn't make sense.

I can put into conclusion that I am too deep minded for a simple person, infact I am indeed to deep minded for myself. A simple thought can turn into a million until it confuses me in all kinds of ways.

~end of flashback~

Well I certainly remembered what I was back then. I still am but I changed in all kinds of different ways. And being the person I am everything I thought about confused me. Perhaps it would have been best if you wouldn't leave me thinking at all in some circumstances.

And somewhat when Mattie came to my life he made me less cold. My heart felt like it can breathe in the warmth he gives me, how he just cares for me makes me feel alive. Before all of this I had one intention, and that intention was to make my people in my country live a better life than anyone else in the world. I can say that I somewhat wanted to be the best country, but all I wanted was what's best for my people. I wanted it so much that I never noticed how much life was going on around me, how much fun there was. Now that I'm here I can take a vacation from everything, all the worries I have. And it is pretty fun, and the only fun I'd usually get was in the books I read

Now that I think about it.... I think that I am not good for Mattie. He needs someone who can give him so much affection that he just drowns in it. And I have a feeling that I can't do that even if I tried. I was selfish with my feelings very selfish, and I don't know if I'm helping him or if he's the one helping me melt my cold heart.

"Mommy you aren't eating your pancakes." I heard Kumajiro say.

"Sorry I was just spacing out.." I said and I started to eat the soft and buttery pancakes that Mattie made.

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