Wonderland

Whenever I’m sad I go to Wonderland.

I lay down on my bed, close my eyes and I’m there, falling down the rabbit hole but somehow landing safely in a large room with several doors.

“Curiouser and curiouser!” exclaims Alice who is standing to my right, her blonde hair placed messily over her shoulder. Her short stature and big blue eyes boring into me. She looks about ten, but it’s like I’ve known her my whole life. “What should we do?” she asks.

“Try the bottle on the table.” I say. “It’ll make you smaller to fit through the door”

“What door?”

“The door down there.” I reply, pointing to the tiny door in the corner.

“If you say so.” She picks up the bottle and drinks every last drop, shrinking her to the size of my little toe. “Oh dear, what do I do now?”

I pick up the key from the table “Here, take thi-“

“Mary!” A familiar voice echoes in my head. My vision starts to go blurry.

“Where are you going? Don’t leave me!” Shouts Alice.

I try to give her the key but it’s too late. I’ve woken up.

“Mary! Come one, it’s school today!” says my big sister, Sam.

“Sorry.” I reply.

“Well come on! Get your butt out of bed!” She pulls my blanket away and I can instantly feel the cold air on my limbs.

“Hey! Give it back!” I grumble, quite annoyed.

She laughs then looks at my copy of Through the Looking Glass on the floor. “Reading the Alice books again?” She smiles.

I ignore her.

“Well, get dressed, I’ve made some tea for you downstairs.”

Sam leaves and I eventually drag myself out of bed and slowly manage to put some clothes on. I’m definitely not as enthusiastic about life as I used to be.

The day is slow. I drag my feet as I walk from class to class during school. Each lesson is boring and things that used to interest me just don’t any more. Even my friends can’t help me. They’re always joking and trying to cheer me up but it doesn’t faze me.

During homeroom, I lie about feeling sick and get sent to the sickbay. I want to see Alice, so I close my eyes and doze off to the world of Wonderland.

I find myself wondering around in the woods, following the sound of merry music and singing. I eventually see the Mad Hatter, the March Hare and Alice, sitting around a large dining table, drinking tea. Alice has such a sad look on her face, but it brightens up as soon as she sees me.

“Mary!” She runs up and hugs me tightly. “You’re back!”

“I just got lost for a while. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Mr Hatter has been talking to me.”

I look at the Hatter, then at the March Hare. Both of them are wearing masks in the shape of skulls, smiling sinisterly.

“Let’s get out of here.” I say. I grab Alice’s hand and start walking.

“Oh, but- uh, goodbye Mr Hatter! Mr Hare!” She stumbles alongside me, waving to them. I can hear bones cracking as they wave back.

We come to a large lake with a long concrete bridge across it. An uneasy feeling comes over me.

“What are we waiting for? Shall we cross it?” asks Alice.

“I…I guess.” I reply, although I’m not too sure.

We start to walk over the bridge. The wind picks up and the sky goes grey. I keep a tight grip on Alice’s hand and I notice she’s got something in the other that she’s holding tightly to her chest.

“What’s that? In your hand?” I ask cautiously whilst fighting the wind.

“Oh, it’s just Mr Door mouse.” She replies. The Door mouse pops his head out from her hand, only to reveal that he’s also wearing a skull mask. A chill runs down my spine.

“Drop him, now!” I shout, but the mouse is already climbing down Alice’s arm. It stops at her finger and sinks its teeth into her flesh.

Alice shrieks and lets go of my hand. The mouse drops to the ground and scampers away. 

“Alice! Hold my hand!” I try to grab her but she stumbles back to the edge of the bridge.

The rail is the only thing that stops her from falling into the cold, choppy water. I run, but before I can reach her, a giant gale of wind sends her body backwards, knocking her into the river.

“Alice!” I scream. “Alice where are you?!” I look over the edge of the bridge but all I see is the black, never-ending water.

I’m about to jump in after her but am awoken by the school nurse’s voice.

“Your sister is here to take you home.” She says as Sam walks into the room, but before she can speak I’m already running past her, heading for the main doors to the outside.

“Mary? Mary, wait! What’re you doing?” Sam starts to chase after me but I just keep going. I run onto the street and continue to my destination, the river. Alice is in there, I just know it, and if I hurry I can still save her.

I eventually come to the bridge. I run up to the centre of it and look down, not seeing anything but water. I start to panic and become desperate as my breathing increases and I start to climb over the edge. I’m about to dive in when Sam’s arms wrap tightly around my body and drag me back.

I start to scream in desperation and can feel tears welling up in my eyes. “Sam! Let me go! I have to save her! She’s going to die!” I struggle but I can’t escape her grip.

“What is wrong with you, Mary?! Don’t do this!” She yells, but I try to ignore her and continue struggling.

“Alice fell in! She’s drowning! She needs our help! We can still save her! Please!” I can feel the hot tears streaming down my face.”

“Alice is dead, Mary! Our sister is dead! You need to accept that!”

“She’s not! She’s not, right?” My throat is starting to hurt and I can barely make out words between my sobs.

“She drowned, Mary! They found her body and we had her funeral! It’s just as hard for me as it is for you, you know?” She’s starting to cry too. Her face becoming pained with sorrow. “We need to get through this!”

I stopped struggling as Sam’s words sank in.

She was right wasn’t she?

My little sister, Alice, had died half a year ago. I had been in denial ever since.

We always used to read Through the Looking Glass together, for she liked to pretend that she was the Alice from the book.

So to cope with my loss, I’d believe that she was still alive somewhere in my dreams, and that I could still save her. But I was wrong. She was gone forever.

“It’s not fair!” I sob as I bury my head in Sam’s chest. We both stand there holding each other, crying.

“I know, Mary. It’s not. But sometimes,” I can feel her tears dripping on my head, “That’s just the way it is.”

We just stood there, comforting each other for a long time until it started to get dark.

That night, when we got back home, Sam cooked my favourite soup and we both stayed up late telling stories and watching the telly. As we lay there together on the couch, I didn’t feel so empty anymore. I had Sam right beside me, all my friends at school and even though she wasn’t physically with us anymore, it felt as though Alice was still close by.