Little Wilder

III

"You need to light up a little, Nate" Cassie said trough the phone "I'm not seeing you and yet I know that you look like crap. Not smiling is unhealthy" she laughed.

"You know what else is unhealthy, Cass? Laughing at your own jokes" I reply angrily.

"And then you wander why you lack of friends. But seriously, Nathan, you need to start feeling again, otherwise you'll be not more than another careless bitch" she said a little bit more serious. As serious as Cassandra Crawford could get, which wasn't much, but did meant a hell of a lot, since she only get serious in situations that she truthfully thought that matter, or were worth being serious for.

"Saying it is not as easy as doing it, love" I answer sadly before hanging the phone.

Cass was the only person I really talked to in months, even when I was at home, the only person that I trusted with my shit, because she was that kind of girl, the kind of girl you can count on, the kind of girl who helps you even though she is mad, pissed, angry at you, or doesn't even like you, the kind of girl you know is going in the way of becoming the world's best psychiatrist of all time. I rely on her always and every time I needed, and she helped as much as she could because unlike me, she cared. For better or for worse, not in a romantic way. One upon a time, she liked of me, and I tried to like her back, she was pretty, kind, smart, what was not to like? But in the end, I was unable to return the feeling, so she moved on. Besides, it would have been selfish to drag her into my troubles. I still did, just not as a girlfriend but as a friend, so she could back away any time she pleased, so she would have a stronger commitment to me. Cassie was the only one who was so damn nice that offered me help when anyone did, and everyone just disappear, she was there when my entire world came crumbling down, without expecting nothing in return, and still didn't felt a thing for her. That's when I realised I didn't deserve to love someone as good as her, or anyone at all. I was a bad guy, and so I stopped looking.

Someone knocked the door. I left the phone in the bed and went to see who it was.

"Good afternoon, sleeping beauty" Alicia said graciously once I opened.

I laughed a little, not because of what she said, but the way she said it. Kind of like when you tell a bad joke, but everyone laughs at it just because you were stupid enough to think it was funny.

"I didn't just wake up, Wilder" I told her obvious.

"Oh, someone's grumpy" she said as she pushed me away from the door and inviting herself in. "So, why do you want to do today, grumps?" She asked after throwing herself in my already perfectly organised bed. Luckily she was so think she barely moved a pillow, but she did manage to unfold the bed a little. Under usual circumstances I would've gotten angry, but as soon as she stood up, she cleaned her mess.

"I hate disorder" she said laughing nervously while looking at me embarrassed? Once she was done.

"It's okay" I said surprised. But why didn't I say that I hate it as well, so she would felt like a freak, because I didn't care. Call me an asshole, a jerk, or whatever you like, because I know that if you lacked of emotions, you would've done exactly the same.

"Don't look at me like that. You didn't have to live with Elisa and Mom. Only thank god I'm didn't finish cleaning up your entire room" Alicia said trying to sound angry and serious, it didn't work. Perhaps it was the giggles between words, or the smile she tried to hide, but I didn't buy it.

I lean both my hands in the air on sweet surrender.

"Now he was a sense of humour" she replied ironically. "Enough jokes, what do you want to do in this lovely day, grumps?"

"I thought I had a sense of humour"

"Exactly. You had" she was enjoying this, but unlike the girls I knew, she wasn't enjoying it because she was with me, it actually seemed like I didn't care at all next to that joy she was carrying everywhere. It seemed little Wilder find sense of humour in all that she did, in anyone she met. Like an endless source of happiness and fun. I actually envied her.

"But answer the goddamned question, Nathan" Alicia said comically desperate.

"Fine. Let's go for coffee" I respond. As soon as I did, she looked at me with that universal face which meaning was are you serious? Still, she seemed happy I finally had chosen something.

She grabbed my arm and started running. We passed the room's door, the hall, the many stairs, the living room, the entrance, and finally the grate fancy front door. Trust me, it was exhausting, I was finding it hard to catch my breath, and I would have been sweating if it wasn't because of the cold weather, but when I looked to see her she was more than fine, she wasn't even breathing faster than usual. I guessed she did that more often that she actually should. One thing I could say for sure, she was some energetic girl.

"Don't be such a pussy, grumps" she innocently mocked me. I swear, if it wasn't because I liked her laugh, I probably would've been annoyed as hell. She laughed more than any other person I have ever meet, but didn't do it in a forced way, it just came out naturally, which was wired, because most of the times most of us laugh, it is 100% fake. Knowing someone so authentic was kind of reliving. "Let's go" Alicia hurried me showing me the car keys. It felt awesome to know we weren't going to walk all the way to the coffee shop, and that we would do what normal lazy people do, drive.

We headed to the garage and we found ourselves surrounded by lots of cars. It's not that I've never seen as much cars as the ones there, my family owns the same amount, what surprised me, and sort of produce some weird sensation in my stomach was the fact that they weren't black and white, like mine, but rather from all the shapes, sizes, and colours such as red, blue, green, grey, gold and even pink. The garage looked like a fracking rainbow, in a good way, I suppose.

"Hop in"

I was so distracted I didn't notice she already was inside the only black old car in the entire garage, and by only back car in the entire garage, I am serious, by old I mean classical old, perhaps 1940 or something, I was shocked it still worked and it was in incredibly amazing conditions. That was both suspicious and interesting, but I didn't ask. I knew she would tell me anything, how did I was so sure? I didn't, it was just a hunch. And even though curiosity was practically killing me, I chose to ignore it. There are some things you just have to let go of.

I wish I could have listened to my own advice a year ago.