Still Hurting

2

--- 2 years ago ---           
            Jamie arrived at the end of the line
            Jamie's convinced that the problems are mine

I looked at James who's quietly eating from across the table.

He is upset. For what reason, I have no idea. Last I remember, we were happily answering Tito Boy's interview questions. But the moment we stepped out of the studio, he became distant and cold.

"James, you look upset. Is something wrong?" I finally asked as I started eating the salad I ordered.

He lifted his head and stared at me. The eyes that met me were a mix of hurt and anger.

"Do you really mean what you said in the interview?"

I thought for a moment, but I cannot recall anything that happened in the interview that made me hesitate or feel uncomfortable.

"Which part?" I asked.

"The part when Tito Boy asked us if we have plans of getting married."

__________________________

Tito Boy laughed as he motioned to the screaming audience, "Oh my God, everybody in the studio ay sadyang kinikilig. Kasi naman, masyado kami nanabik sa JaDine. It's been three years since your last sit-down interview together. Matapos niyo i-anunsiyo na mabubuwag na ang tambalan ng JaDine... Matapos kayong umamin na you are already in a relationship. Namayagpag kayo sa inyong kanya-kanyang karera sa showbiz. But still, you managed to keep the details and happenings of your relationship private"

I turned and looked at James with a big smile. He reached out and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. The sweet little gesture made the crowd go crazy.

I don't know how, but Tito Boy somehow managed to calm the audience down.

"James, Nadine... I have to ask this because we are all very curious and I'm sure everybody is dying to know..." Tito Boy started as the studio audience began to cheer again.

"You've been together as a couple for five years..." he paused dramatically revving up the audience's excitement - their giddy squeals and excited screams increasing.

"James, Nadine... diretsahan na ito... When are you getting married?" he finally asked. The whole studio now is in total pandemonium. Everybody is screaming. The audience and even the show's writers are on their feet, cheering.

I laughed loudly.

"Oh no, Tito Boy. James and I are not going to get married. Wala yan sa plano."

__________________________

I looked at him questioningly. I still don't understand where he's coming from.

"Do you really mean it when you said we are never getting married, and it was not in our plans?"

I shrugged, "Well, what do you want me to say?"

"So there's no chance for us to even get married or settle down in the future?" he chided on.

"Well, I don't see it as a possibility right now, James. I still have a lot of things to do, places to visit, dreams to fulfill. My career is still doing really well. Marriage will just slow me down."

"Un-fucking-believable..." I heard him mutter. He was fuming - his arms are crossed tightly, almost shaking.

"James, what is the big deal?"

He leaned back to his chair, his jaws were clenched, his hand on the table balled into a tight fist.

"I'm upset because I just realized that I'm not even part of your plans – do you even consider me as part of your life? Right now, I feel like you are just going throw me away the moment you realize I'm no longer of use. What you said to Tito Boy earlier, it came across like you don't even see any future with me.