You don't know how this started. Or why.
You only remember as far back as you can, but still it's not enough.
You spend most days wondering what you've done; wondering if there was anything you did that contributed to it.
You're told 'no, you haven't done anything'. But you don't believe it.
Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep or wake up other days just wanting to cry.
Always crying. Never enough.
No one notices and if they do it's only by chance.
Secretly you want them to notice but you hate to appear weak.
It's been going on so long that you don't even know what to do or what to say.
Anything you do say never comes out right or a mass of tears and sobs follow suit that your words are lost.
So you say how you feel through cryptic posts that you know no one (apart from the odd person) will understand.
'Had enough'
'Fed up'
It helps you release some tension. It's never enough, but it will have to be.
And so you write this and maybe someone will listen.
Maybe the right person will listen.
You don't do it for attention; you don't do it to cause a stir. You're doing it because it's the only way you know how.
You've never been a great talker; can barely string a sentence together sometime and the things you say in your head never come out right.
But you know you can write and so you do.
You craft every word which needs to be said; you read a sentence back or you just keep going.
You never know how it's going to go but that doesn't matter.
It can be rewritten a thousand times before anyone sees it.
And so here it is; what you're too afraid to say out loud. It's not much, but it's all there is to it:
All I want is a happy family because I can't remember what one of them is
