Rectitude: Because I'm always right!

Rectitude: The Peter Pan Problem

So recently a couple songs came out that I've been listening to. One is called "YOUTH" by Troye Sivan, and the other is called "Lost Boy" by Ruth B. Youth is basically a song about losing childhood innocence, and more likely about losing your virginity as well. But I like "Lost Boy"  better. I'm still not really sure if it is a cover or not but it is a fine melody to listen to. I've been listening to the contemporary piece a lot lately and I really love it. That is, until my sister started singing it. My family is infamous for ruining songs for me. Back when I liked this song called "Gold", they sang horribly and made fun of it in the car so much, my love for it dwindled into a silk thread hanging a dead horse fly from a tree.
But I enjoy the song "Lost Boy" so much, I listened to it on the internet the entirety of last weekend. I was even more orgasmicly entranced by its composition when I was ecstatic to see a girl at the talent feat the following day had changed the song she was going to sing, from the one mentioned in the program, to Lost Boy. I was really happy because she was singing the song, not about her, just to make this clear. The girl had dressed up as a man in the play last month and had an awkward haircut, probably a nice girl but still eye-rottingly ugly, for both her playing a man and being a natural woman.
But I never actually talked about what the song is about and why I love it so much. The song "Lost Boy" was originally a tribute to the 2003 film, "Peter Pan", which I happen to have a history with that I will be explain later. The song basically talks about having no home, being alone in a big world, and having no true friends. I relate a great deal to this song. The biggest chunk of it being when my family split in half as a child, and the repercussions of me having to grow up very young. The fact I am the eldest child, I had to be the father for my family in a lot of ways for us to keep going. My responsibilities weren't that big though. I had to help move a lot of stuff which was somewhat of a challenge for me. I of course was still way to young to have a job, or drive, so I didn't need to work for my family or run errands by myself, we were getting along pretty fine anyways for my mom being unemployed, without a college degree in a field for a viable job available in the area we live in, and not to mention not actually having a house to call our own yet. So this ofcourse was my own abrupt end to, along with my brother and sister's, glorious childhood, and I mean glorious coming from a high income, but not wealthy, close and very loving family of five. My poor sister was only 6; she barely experienced what blessed lives that my brother and I did. I also was very reluctant to accepting puberty at the time which I also was coming of age. I guess sometimes change overwhelms us. Not to mention that this was the time I needed my dad most. I never actually got the talk. I guess that's almost redundant in the day and age of online porn anyways. But I still would have loved to be introduced to it the right way. All of which led me to being left out of many sex jokes in middle school simply because I was ignorant, not that I needed to know what vulgar, crude remarks people would make. I think I'm starting to ride my train of thought into nowhere.
Now back to the aforementioned movie; I knew about this movie ever since I was little. I remember watching my "Cat in the Hat" movie disc in the car and watching the part before the movie, where they showed upcoming movies, one of which was Peter Pan. I have no Idea how I remember this since I was only around 3 or 4 when the movie initially came out. I want to watch it ever since but never got the chance to until just this last weekend. At first I looked for it on netflix, but it wasn't there. I checked on other services I had subscriptions for like hulu and amazon prime but they weren't on that either. The only way I could watch it was but purchasing it through YouTube, which I along with everyone else on the planet would never do, or getting it on amazon video for $3 or $4.
The movie only got around a 60 on metacritic anyways so how worth it of a whole 3 dollars would it be? No way was I gonna ask my dad and wait for the whole process of purchasing it, my mom would never be the one to do this, with the added benefit that I wouldn't be seeing him for another 3 days. Instead I just looked for it on the internet, and many pop-up ads leading to viruses later, I found a site where I could watch it like, a YouTube video. Downloading the movie would just be completely against my values, and I would risk getting viruses. Although I experienced frustratingly horrid and "molasses in winter-like" loading times, I enjoyed the movie a lot. It was a pretty "feel good" movie at its best. I could tell I would have had so much nostalgia for it if I had watched it as a kid, which I wish is what happened honestly. I only disliked the ending because of how sad it actually was for how happy the people who responsible for the production of the movie made it seem. To understand my pain, I suggest you watch it before continuing, also because there are spoilers ahead!
I'm just going to give you a brief summary of certain plot elements to explain my points. And again, I seriously recommend watching the movie before reading this, it's actually pretty good! There are a few things to note: first off, Peter Pan and Wendy are both around the age of 10 or 11, and the post boys, including Wendy's two brothers are around 9. Peter Pan is stuck as a boy forever, therefore he can't experience puberty and in turn makes him impossible to experience romantic love toward someone, or at least doing things like getting married and having sex, as that is what growing up is all about. Despite this, various events in the movie lead to the development and expression of Peter Pan having a passionate crush on Wendy, and vice versa. Additionally worth noting, in order to fly, it requires a person to think happy thoughts, according to this movie, along with the classic pixie dust being a stronger and more reliable source. So of course Peter Pan is having a sword duel with Captain Hook while flying in the air. Hook earlier took tinker bell and sprinkled on himself some fairy dust. Peter Pan eventually gets struck down by Hook and and had his forehead and chest slashed and bleeding from the Captain's sharp hook. Hook allows Wendy to give her final testimony to Peter Pan as they are both laid on the ship deck next to each other in front of Captain Hook about to be killed. Wendy then kisses Peter Pan, who starts glowing for some reason, and eventually somehow regains his energy and goes after Hook to cross rapiers (long thin pirate swords) once again. During their fight both before and after the kiss, Peter Pan and Hook exchange degrading remarks like when Peter says, "I'll never become an old ugly man all alone like you!" While flyinging, Hook is cast over the water where a hungry alligator awaits his fall, which is occurring due to the fact that Hook's pixie dust is wearing off and all he has now is happy thoughts. Clinging for life, Hook looks to the sky shouting with a anxious and nervous smile on his face about what he finds happy, only to realize he is only suspending himself in air and not rising into the air. At this point, Hook's face loosens into a blank stare at the ship he once loved and he depressingly exclaims as he loses all of his will to live, "I am an ugly, old man, and I was always all alone." As soon as he says so, he drops into the stomach of the alligator and presumably dies. The lost boys, Wendy and Peter Pan cheer to the happiness of the elimination of their enemy. This I find to be so incredibly morbid that they would cheer, not only the kids but the ship crew as well, to the depressing suicide and loss of the will to live the late Captain Hook felt. What a sad way to go. But that's not the biggest reason the ending upset me so much, only a fraction of the movie's motive toward me. When Peter Pan returned Wendy and her brothers to their parents, the parents  also met the the lost boys. The lost boys couldn't go back to their original parents because when children stay in neverland for more than just a few days, they eventually lose all of their memories of their lives they left behind, and most importantly, their parents. Hastily, the family adopts the lost boys, except for one. That one boy is still trying to look for his mother since he remembers more than the other boys do, but to no avail. The aunt of Wendy then claims as his mother and adopts him. But who will adopt Peter Pan? If he came to the real world he could possibly live as any other person, or could he? Peter Pan never actually agrees to live among a family in the real world like Wendy so they could get married or something, regardless that Peter deep down wants to be with Wendy forever. Wendy says she will never forget of Peter, which is how some people can't see Peter Pan if they forget about him. Wendy also asks if Peter will ever come to visit her, which he promises, and that she promises to tell him stories when he comes to see her. However, the narrator,  being the older version of her, explains in dismay that Peter never actually did come back no matter how long she waited for his arrival. Most likely Wendy never saw him because even though she never forgot, since the day she last saw him, she started to grow up. and grown ups can't see Peter Pan, except all of grown ups in neverland could see him so that makes no sense. But I don't think she should lose all hope! I guess maybe when Wendy gets old and she has dementia or schizophrenia or something she could see Peter Pan again! That would be kinda gross though because if they start kissing or something sexual starts between a little boy and an elderly woman... Never mind back to the movie. Wendy continued to tell the story of her adventures with Peter Pan and the lost boys.
Now the reason I like this movie is not because of the special effects, or the great acting, or anything simple like that. It's because of the meaning it has for me, it meaning this movie, no the song too. Because when I was confused about the world and I had to grow up, I was a lost boy. I didn't know where I wa going. I didn't have my father there to guide me into manhood; I didn't understand the point of adulthood, how puberty was going to change me, my future, what sex meant, why was it important. That day before I realized my parents who I loved both so much and thought of as the only thing that always knew what was right for me, had split, how my dad lied, deceived us, went behind our backs, abandoned us, and how many burdens my father put on all of our shoulders, my mother most of all and how she suffered; the day before all of this, was the last day I was innocent, the last day I had a truly positive view of the world around me, of both sides of my family; That boy isn't me. That was the old me; I am forever changed. Scarred, you could say, but brought me strength and independence through experience of a hard time along with forming me into a strong young man, you couldn't deny. Think of this as simply a representation of the "little Andy" many once knew. He's not coming back, but that's fine. He's where he is forever, stuck in time like a pressed flower. Although he can't experience growing up and the wonderful privileges we unlock with age, he was never meant to. It wasn't his destiny. He is meant to show us a window into what once was, and how we can look back on it with content, on how simple everything was, because things change; people change, the world changes. And it isn't just the old me, that's Peter Pan. That is what the song Lost Boy and Peter Pan the movie means to me. And good and bad are a part of the same coin.

3/15/16

Note: If you want to see more of these types of writings by me, give it some love because I'm not sure if I want to keep doing this. The one you read above me took a couple hours to write, my longest piece yet. Most of what I write is more humorous than this, but I just had to get this off my chest, plus, a lot of people praised me for writing something more serious.