Campus Hours: Alliana Gonzaga (Compiled 2019 Edition)

Epilogue

FIRST COMEBACK EPISODE IN 2020! 

© something_kyish, 2020 (Edited 01-16-2020)

AN OVERTHINKER since then. Since she lost. Since everything has disappeared. Since everything has changed.

She was just a simple classmate simula nung freshmen kami. And I was awed by her beauty during Akwe 2013 (acquaintance party). Naging mag partner pa kami sa isang sayaw. Nung una talaga naiilang ako, kasi she's not just a type of person na kinasanayan ko. But through that time, August 2013, I fell. She was my first crush.

I continued to get acquainted to her. Night calls. Simple dates. Bigayan ng letters at flowers, etc. Sobrang close kami, as in minsan nga na may something na kami. Kinakantsawan kami ng mga kaklase namin kung anong meron ba. And yes, meron--may nararamdaman na ako para sa kanya.

I was at the point if confessing to her. November 2013, until that day came, she passed away after an accident where nahulog siya sa hagdan to clean the highest part of the window. I don't know the exact thing happened because I wasn't there. I was busy for the Interschool Sportsfest during that time, isama na ang scouting responsibilities. Lubos ang aking pagsisisi. Naging pabaya ba ako sa kanya? Bakit hindi ko siya nabantayan nun, edi sana ako na lang ang nagpunas ng bintana?

Tanda ko pa, nadaanan ko siya sa ospital. Ongoing ang operasyon for her hemorrage. Mas lalo akong nagulantang nang nalaman kong may tumor pala siya, na never ever niyang sinabi sakin. The probability was 30:70 ratio para makaligtas on that delicate condition. Bakit ganun? Bakit siya pa? Bakit?!

Sumapit ang magdamag and death was declared, midnight.

Hindi ako pumasok the following days of her death. My parents even wanted to come on her funeral for condolences, pero hindi ako sumama, hanggang sa araw ng libing. Hindi rin ako pumasok, just to rest myself. It was a big burden for me that she's gone. But why, sa panahong hindi ko pa naamin ang lahat sa kanya?

That pain more made me stupid, not depressed and I know that word suited my doings the most. Sinong tanga ang tatalon sa fourth floor ng building nang dahil lang sa namatay ang mahal niya? Sinong tanga ba naman ang nainom bago pumasok sa school? Sinong magdadala ng lubid sa school at magpakamatay? Isang tanga lang yon.

"HOY GAB! BUMABA KA DIYAN!"

"LOKO KA LEDESMA, BAKIT KA TATALON?"

"PUTANGINA NAKAKAGIGIL KA EH. SIGE LANG, TALON! GABOO! TALON!"

"HOY GAB? TANGA KA NA BA? BAKIT HINDI KA NAKIKINIG?"

Sa mga panahong iyon, tila walang nakakarinig sakin. And so my parents...

"Bakit ka magpapakamatay anak? Sige nga?"

"Sige, one time pupuntahan nayin sa mga puntod niya. And cry there."

And as they said, hindi ako nakikinig sa kanila.

"Do you think Elize, kailangan na ba natin siya ipakonsulta sa psychiatrist?"

"We need it Tita!" ani Elize.

"Malakas na rin sapak ni Gab eh. I recommended it too," ani Andrei.

"Ako? MAMA. HINDI AKO BALIW? AT HINDI RIN AKO TANGA!" sigaw ko.

"Gabby. Please. Tama na tong kalokohan mo, hindi na nakakatuwa. Pagamot ka na, please."

"Actually, depression was all over his body. It's normal pag may nawalang loved one Tita. Pero kay Gaboo iba na to eh," dagdag ni Mark.

"I'M NOT DEPRESSED MARK, OKAY? TARANTADO--"