Regret. A DenNor Fanfiction

Don't leave me.

He watched the salty tears drip off of his face and into the sink. He looked down at the knife and ran it across his fingers. He loved the cool feel of the knife, the way it called for him and welcomed him. He slowly raised him up to his neck, putting a tiny bit of pressure on it. He saw the blood bead out, he pushed harder, dragging it across his skin. 

He was numb to the pain by now, none of this hurt him after years of putting wounds on the rest of his body, this seemed to be nothing. Time had stopped for Mathias. He felt like he was finally doing something worthwhile, finally something important. He was finally going to end his life.

He was majorly underweight and his entire body was laced with cuts, burns, scrapes, anything you can think off. The extent of his weight was scary. He was able to count every single rib, his collarbone was noticeable, and he had lost all of his muscle. His arms and legs showed his bones so well, he had concluded he was just a skeleton with young looking skin; even if it were laced with abrasions. 

 That's when Mathias was snapped back into the real world. He heard banging on door. He immediately panicked, trying to finish the cut quickly. However, he wasn't able to finish the cut. Lukas bolted into the bathroom, breaking his locked door. Mathias dropped the knife and stumbled backwards, bringing his hands up to his heavily bleeding neck. Neither of them said a thing, Mathias now on the floor, Lukas dropping down to his knees crying. Lukas quickly placed an emergency call, wrapping a towel around Mathias' neck.

"L-Lukas.. N-No.. Please.." Mathias pleaded, grabbing Lukas' arm weakly. "I-I want to die..." The towel quickly filled up with blood. Lukas pressed the towel harder, trying to at least slow the bleeding, but to no avail. Lukas' eyes filled with tears when he heard Mathias say those words. Lukas didn't want to hear those words from his childhood friend and longtime crush. It hurt, he thought it was his fault, that he was to blame for this. He quickly shook that assumption off, he could think about that later. 

"M-Mathias.. Don't say that.. You're going to be okay, everything's going to be okay, I promise. Just stay with me okay..?" Lukas heard the sirens edging closer, 'hurry,' he mouthed. Just as he did, Mathias' eyes started to close, his breathing becoming weak. "M-Mathias, come on, stay with me, please.. I love you so much, please just keep yours eyes open," Lukas pleaded, his tears now falling down onto Mathias' bloody shirt. 

"I love you too, Lukas," Mathias replied with his last conscious breath. Mathias' arm fell, he had passed out and was barely breathing at this point. Paramedics rushed in, loading him onto a stretcher. They allowed Lukas to come in the ambulance as he held onto Mathias' hand tightly now full on crying. 

When they got to the hospital they told Lukas to wait in the waiting room as they rushed Mathias into emergency surgery. After a couple hours, the doctor walked out and looked around, "Lukas?" Lukas shot straight up. His face was filled with panic but his body filled with apparent exhaustion. 

"Is Mathias okay?" Lukas felt tears come to his eyes but quickly blinked them back as the doctor started to talk. 

"I have good and bad news. The good news is, he's alive and stable. The bad news is he is in a coma." Lukas just started at him for a minute before regaining his composure. 

He finally nodded, then looked at the doctor. "How long do you think until he wakes up?" The doctor obviously thought about for a moment or two, then answered a bit unsure.

"I would figure anywhere from a couple days to a month," the doctor had simply stated. "I can take you to see him now, if you'd like." Lukas just nodded and followed him into the ICU, or Intensive Care Unit.

The ICU, Lukas decided, was a horrible, scary, inhumane place. People were in a circle, lining the walls, around the nurses' desk. The only privacy they got was by a thin, fabric curtain that didn't even shield them from the nurses. He led Lukas to the back of the ICU where there were a few rooms with sliding glass doors. He opened the only door that had the curtains pulled down, covering the door. 

"You can stay here for as long as you'd like," the doctor said before walking out, closing the door behind him. The sight Lukas saw broke his heart. Mathias laid in the bed, his hair still sticking up like usual, his face peaceful. He had a tube going down his throat to help him breathe. He was hooked up to so many different machines, Lukas wasn't sure which one made what noise. Lukas sighed and sat in the chair next to the bed. He gripped Mathias' hand in his, holding it tightly but shakily. 

"Stupid Dane," he sobbed. "I just don't get it.. How could you.." The machines continued to beep at a constant pace. Then, silence. Lukas had started having a panic attack. He curled up in the chair crying, letting out inaudible screams. 

Lukas had never thought he needed Mathias that much until he thought about it. Mathias had always been there, Mathias would be there to hug him even when he didn't want it; or when Lukas had issues with his little brother, Mathias was there to reassure him that they would be okay. 

Lukas may have had a solitary, quiet demeanor, but on the inside, he screamed for someone to be there. The only person who was truly there, whether he wanted him to be or not, was now in a coma. No longer there for him like he had gotten so accustomed to.  

"Mathias, why? Save me, please," he whispered in hopes Mathias could hear him. "Don't leave me here alone," Lukas got up, curling next to Mathias. As Lukas got into the bed, he made sure not to unhook anything. He clutched onto Mathias and breathed in. The scent Lukas had spent years memorizing, all gone. All replaced by the sterile, dry, crisp smell of the hospital.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have taken down all of my stories. I cannot write them, I have no passion whatsoever. That being said, I'm writing this story with an ending in mind and how I want this to play out. I have also taken them down to rewrite most of them, especially 'I love you, Birdie.' God, some of these are complete train wrecks. Currently this is my favorite fanfiction that I am writing, my second favorite is my Danisnotonfire X Reader. I am planning on getting that one up soon too. I want to be a bit more proactive with this. Hopefully so proactive I'll actually update these periodically. 

Hasta la pasta~ 
<3