Long Road Ahead

Chapter One

 Long Road Ahead.

Chapter One.

Every story has a beginning. Many, I think, would start at birth, or early childhood. Mine starts at a funeral. 

I can remember it clearly, even though it had happened five years ago. I can recall the smell of the air in the cemetery, the feel of my brother's hand wrapped around mine. I can recall seeing my father's face, twisted with pain, sorrow, and a bit of rage. My mother had been a very lively woman with a bright disposition and soft features. She loved her kids and husband to death. I can remember her smile, the way her eyes used to sparkle. But, that was early in life, before that brightness had faded into the dull face that is facing up at us from inside the casket. 

Depression is what killed her, I think. The weeks before her unexpected death were the worst I had seen her at the time. Her eyes were dark and bloodshot from lack of sleep. She had no motivation to do anything with us anymore, or even get out of bed. I would find her crying sometimes, and I did the best I could to comfort her. But, it just wasn't enough.

It had been a Friday, Dad was out of town with my brother and little sister. I was kind of excited to have some alone time with my mother, seeing as I usually spent my time with my older brother, Spencer. Anyway, I remember running up the dirt path towards our house. Bag bouncing against my back as I ran, the hot afternoon sun beating down on me. I had ran towards the gate, slightly out of breath. I walked up the walkway to our porch, a smile on my face. I opened the front door to the inside, happy to be home. I couldn't wait to see her, it hadn't mattered what mood she was in. 

I had called out for her, to let her know I was home. When I didn't get a reply, I had started to get a sense of dread. I jogged up the stairs, stopping in the hallway. I could see my parent's bedroom door ajar slightly. I slowly walked towards it, thinking that she must be sleeping or something. I opened the door, my mother laying under the covers. 

"Ma?" I had called, walking to her side. I had reached out and gripped her shoulder, giving it a shake. It wasn't a very strong shake, but she seemed to flop around. I don't know what compelled me to do it, maybe it was frustration or that I had known something was wrong. I flung the covers back, revealing the woman underneath. She had on the normal white nightgown she had put on the night before, but it was stained. There was dried blood on her neck, the front of her gown and arms. My eyes had landed on the thin, dark red, slit on both her wrists. They were barely there, the skin around them dark with her blood.

Being eleven, I had no idea what to do. I started to panic. I cried, shaking her, telling her to wake up. I had grabbed her wrist at one point, tugging at her arm to try and get her to wake up. She didn't move or budge. I turned and ran down the hall, I headed downstairs and grabbed the phone. With bloody fingers, I dialed my father's cell. 

It seemed like forever before I heard his gruff voice answer at the other end. I was sobbing, crying. I could barely get the words out of my mouth, but I did get the message across. Luckily, they were only and hour away. I was told to dial an ambulance, though I can't remember much from that point onward. I remember sitting on the front porch, a paramedic standing by me. He had his hand on my shoulder, he must have been trying to comfort or console me. Then, my father's truck pulled into the drive way, and I took off like a shot. Nearly tripping over the last to steps, I sprinted across the yard, tear streaming down my face. I had smacked into my father with such force that he had stumbled back a few steps. He had wrapped his arms around me, holding me as I sobbed about my mother and the blood. I had been passed off to my brother shortly after, Spencer and I sitting in the yard. He was watching the house, and I had my face buried in his chest. My little sister, Molly, was sitting beside us, pulling out grass in handfuls. Completely oblivious to the situation at hand.