It was during the summer. I remember it like it was yesterday. One time when she was hanging out with us, you chose her over me. It was killing me to know that... But that's not what broke my heart.
You came up to me, handed your sketch pad over, then turned away, came up behind her, wrapped your arms around her waist ans cuddled her. Seeing that broke my heart. How could you do that right in front of me? You know how much I like you. But of course she was better, and I'm just not good enough.
It's stuck in my head as a memory. I can't get rid of it though I wish i could. It still kills me to remember what you did. I felt my heart cracking up, breaking apart and crumbling into a million pieces every time it runs through my head. You don't realise how much it scarred me, more than you'll ever know. I never had the courage to tell you. I knew you liked her. I saw it by the way you acted around her. It was obvious. I acted like I didn't notice anything, but sadly I did.
I respect you for being honest with me when I asked you if you liked her and you answered yes. At least I was right about how you were feeling. It bothered me to know that and it left an open wound on my heart and memory. You don't realise how scared I was to know that you had found someone better than me. I knew you would eventually but not before we could give 'us' a go. I thought I would loose the chance to be with you. It terrified me to know that.
She was better. She was prettier. She was fitter. She was greater.
If I wasn't around, would you have met her?
If I wasn't around, would you have gone out with her?
If I wasn't around, would I have lost the opportunity to make you mine?
You don't understand how jealous I was of her that day. I hadn't seen you in a long time and that very day was the first time in a while we got the chance to hang out and that's how you act? I admit I was crushed, badly. I told you how I felt. I just thought you would've wanted to spend time with me too. I guess I was wrong.
This was something during the summer and yet it still bothers me. I guess it's just a contstant reminder of how someone out there is better than me, someone that would make you happier, someone that's going to take you away from me. I'm scared of the thought of loosing you. Always have, always did, and always will...
I just wish you don't get bored of me, and try to find someone else. Because once you're done with me, I know that someone out there is just waiting for you to slip out of my grasps. I don't want to loose you. I love you. I just wish you knew ...
