Dear Steve.
I’m so sorry.
There i said it.
I am sorry.
I wish that i had never said anything like that and it hurt to see you in pain. So i decided to give you some space.
I wish that i could turn back time and never actually live that moment. To go back would be hard. But i would try to avoid ever saying that.
Oh god, now i’m crying.
I remember when i first laid eyes on you. you took my breath away and for the first time, i felt like i was here for a reason. You looked at me with interest, because of my father. For once, i am happy to call him my father. Because he brought me you. if you hadn’t tried to enrol for the war, we never would have met each other.
Every moment I have spent with you over the past four years have been the best of my life. Your touch. Your scent. Your voice in the morning after a mission. Your cooking. Your sense in fashion. Just everything about you. thats what i love. You mean the world to me. From the moment when i first asked you out on that date. When we went to the beach and had a candle-lit picnic while watching the waves and the stars. The walk down the beach, with no shoes and our hands intertwined. I loved every moment. Every night when i lay down next to you, i go back to that moment. The moment when we first held hands, when we first kissed, when we first hugged. To quote John Green; i fell in love the way you fall asleep. Slowly then all at once. You are my life source. Other than my reactor but still. You’re the one who comforts me when I’m sad. The one who stops me from drinking too much and doing things that i might regret. The one who looks after me when I’m sick. The one who plays with my hair when im stressed. The one who makes me feel like there is light in this world of darkness.
Do you remember when we had our first fight? We had been dating for three months. It was over what type of pizza to have for tea. You were adamant that we would have pineapple and ham; while i wanted meat-lovers, it never occurred to the either of us until three hours of fighting, that we could order both. I miss those days. But when last night you shouted at me to get out; it felt like those would just be memories that would fade one day just like dreams. That we would become ancient history and never be together again. I hated that as soon as i left, the memories that would haunt me for the rest of my life came into my head. It felt like you had ripped out my reactor and was holding it above my head as you laughed at me as i tried to grab it as i slowly died. You are my life Steve. No one else. But you.
I would give up everything for you Steve. I would get hit my shrapnel all over again. Would sell everything for you. if it was between my life and yours. I would choose to give up mine. Your happiness comes before everyone else’s. Even mine.
So here’s the plan.
I’ll get out of the tower for two weeks. I’ll leave you alone and have no contact for two weeks.
It’s going to be hard, but we will work through it.
It’ll be as if we were never together.
After the two weeks. We’ll sit down and talk it through if you want. If at the end of it all, you want to split, I’ll buy you anything you need for a living. I’ll supply you with everything you need.
But if you want to get back together, I’ll accept you back with open arms. I’ll do anything and i mean anything to get you back.
You can friend zone me if you want but I might avoid you because all my previous feelings would come back and hit me full on in the chest.
You can tell me to go and i will leave. If it come to that; you can have the tower. I don’t need it. it’ll just remind me of you.
You can say lets get back together and I’ll forever be in your debt. I’ll never let you go and never let the paparazzi put rumours in my head. I’ll never accuse you of anything every again. We can have a child if you want. I’ll do anything to have you love me again.
Yours forever and always,
Tony.
The guy that ruined his chance at truelove.
