Abnormal (Phan AU)

Chapter 1

Warning: This is probably one of the most triggering chapters in this story because Dan talks about how he wants to commit sucide and his depression.

*Dan's POV*
It was the first day of high school today and I sighed when I got woken up by my alarm clock. School was a huge annoyance to me. I didn't get to be by myself, I had to cosider random adults as authority, and I had to listen to their every command. Definitely not something I enjoyed.

It didn't matter anyway. It's not like I was going to be here long anyway. I wanted to leave this world, I knew that now since I was going to high school things were only going to get worse. I was sick and tired of my life. I hated being a monster.

It wasn't going to be hard. Now that I'm older and have fiddled with my ability I could easily kill myself. When I take sleeping pills right before I go to bed the transformatiom doesn't happen. When I take energy pills the next day I still feel horrible but I'm able to make it through the day.

The solution was simple. I'll just take the sleeping pills every night until I die from not transforming.

I knew that I was going to do it this year. There was no point in living anymore, things weren't going to get better. I was going to be like this forever, I was always going to be abnormal. A freak. No one cares about me anyway, in fact I am strongly disliked and I would be doing everybody a favor by getting rid of myself. I deserved it.

I had been thinking this way ever since I was eleven, and made my first cut. Most people would think that someone as young as I had been at the time wasn't capable of being that depressed, but of course transforming into a fucking animal at night was going to take away my normality, and my childhood along with it.

Since then, it seems like I've forgetten how to be happy. I remembered when I used to smile, but not anymore. Now, I had cuts all over both wrists and all I felt was hatred at myself.

What was the point anymore?

__

After twenty minutes of waking up, I finally got out of bed. This is why I purposefully set my alarm clock very early, not only was I freak and an emotional wreck, but I was also a lazy ass. I tried not getting to school late though, as I knew the school would call my parents and I did not want to have to talk with them when I came home from school. They might not make an effort to socialize with me even in that situation, but I was not going to risk having my peace and quiet disturbed. Externally I meant, not internally. My mind was never going to be peaceful and quiet, ever. Usually there was always war there, my positive thoughts against the demons, and it seems that so far the demons are winning by an alarming amount.

I grabbed the first shirt and pants I saw on the floor of my bedroom and put them on. A black t-shirt and black skinny jeans, very original and creative for my first day. Literally all the clothing I owned was black because I did not have the patience for other bright and annoying colors. Black to me just seemed like a more poetic color to wear, and it acheived my goal of making me look as depressing as possible. I wanted to have a dark aura and coldness about me that gave people a message to stay away from me. It's been working so far.

After I finished dressing up I straightened my hair. I don't know why I always did this, it's not like I wanted to impress someone. It just bothered me when my hair was in a frizzy hobbit hair mess and I had to go out of my house. So styling my hair was the one little effort I made for myself.

When I got my hair to how I liked it and finished everything else I had to do in the morning, I grabbed a granola bar from the box I always left in my room and left the house to walk to school. My phone had calculated that it was a twenty five minute walk from my house to the high school, which was fucking annoying because I hated going outside and actually exercising. I would have my parents drive me, but they went to work very early and wouldn't even want to drive me anyway. I could go on the bus, but I didn't want to have any unnecessary social interactions, ones that would most likely be negative ones, to happen before school. So I was stuck walking.