Unforgiven

Chapter 1

Remember when I caught your eye?  You gave me rainbows and butterflies.  We did enjoy our happiness.  When our love was over I was such a mess.

“Forgive me?”  I read the last line of Alex’s apology note and deftly crumpled it in my hand.  I gripped the side of my seat, begging myself to hold it together.  Just until the end of class.  I twisted in my chair to look at the clock.  I just had a minute to go.  I stared back down at the geometry worksheet I was supposed to be completing.  

As I looked at the few problems I had solved, my vision suddenly blurred.  My sloppily written answers smudged slightly as I brushed away the tear that had fallen, against my will, onto the paper.  I shoved Alex’s note in my backpack.  I didn’t want to throw it away quite yet.  

The bell rang, and I swiped my fingers under my eyes, making sure none of my makeup had smudged.  I jammed my notebook into my backpack and swung it up on my left shoulder.  I kept my head slightly down and swept my hair to cover my face in a bronze curtain as I walked to the door of the classroom.  

I wanted, no I needed to get somewhere I could talk with my best friend, Lexi, about this.  She had never had a boyfriend of her own, but she was amazingly good at giving advice.   

I rushed down the stairs, blocking out the buzz of the excited chatter of students.  I jumped down the last step, stumbling a little as I landed, my backpack throwing me off balance.  

Don’t think about him.  I passed the English classroom.   

Anything but him.  I watched the science classrooms fly by as I strode purposefully to the very edge of campus.   

I flung my backpack down and slid down the nearest tree.  I tucked my knees into my chest and stared numbly at the opposite bench.  

Lexi dropped her backpack next to mine and sat opposite me in front of the bench on the ground.  She sat in silence, waiting for me to speak.  Instead of speaking, I pulled out Alex’s note.  She read it, her eyes quickly moving back and forth across the paper.  

She raised her eyes up to me.  I looked at the questions they held and answered what she had probably been dying to ask me. 

"He told."  I can barely choke out the words, as my throat is aching, begging me to cry.  "I told him not to.  I begged him not to tell Ian.  But he did anyways!"  I punctuated each sentence with a sniff, trying to stem the flow of my unattractively streaming nose.  

The mere mention of Ian had me crying harder, this time in rage.  Ian, the “popular” airheaded douchebag of our grade.  And Alex somehow called Ian his best friend.  

I specifically told Alex not to tell anyone any information in our relationship, "And he asked for forgiveness.  But when he did, he was the same guy I fell in love with two years ago.  The gentle, kind one."

I was starting to ramble, and even patient, sympathetic Lexi could only put up with my rambling for so long.  Get to the point!  "I don't know who he is anymore.  But does this new Alex deserve my forgiveness?"   

Lexi dug in her backpack for a tissue.  She pulled it out, releasing tissue dust to float around in the air.  It whirled and danced in the afternoon sunlight as Lexi leaned forward to pass it to me.   

I took it from her and slumped backwards, exhausted from finally sharing my bottled up emotions with someone.  I wiped under my eyes and blew my nose.

Lexi looked at me, her gaze softening as she took in my pathetic appearance.  "The old Alex isn't gone.  If he really does mean this much to you, try to get him to remember.  Remember who he used to be, and how you fell in love with the boy sitting across from you two years ago.  Don't forgive him quite yet, though.  Help him remember, too. If he really cares for you, then he would make an effort to remember.  If he won't try, he's not worth your time."  I smiled at her.  Lexi always knew the right thing to say.  

We grabbed hands and stood up together, something we had practiced for ages before we could easily stand without one of us falling.

I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder.  She did the same, and tugged her hair out from underneath the strap of her backpack.

We walked into the hallways and saw almost everyone had left school for the day.  Our footsteps echoed down the hallways and saw almost everyone had left school for the day.  We passed a few small groups of friends, but we didn’t stop to talk to anyone.   

As we made it to the front of the school, we went our separate ways to walk home.  I walked alone down the sidewalk of the busy street, head down, earbuds in.  

The dead, brown pine needles crunched under my feet as I trudged towards my house.  As I thought more and more about Alex, the tears returned.  They seemed to sear my eyes as I tried to restrain them.  Against my best efforts, a tear rolled down my face and landed on my ratty sneakers, cleaning a tiny spot of the once bright white rubber toe.

A/N Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the story!  The song at the beginning in italics is "Heartbreaker" by MSTRKRFT.  My next update should be soon, and I just wanted to thank you for reading.  It means a lot to me :) 

Hugs,

JociCat (=^.^=)