The Awkward Tale Of Martha-June.

Hi, my names Martha. I'm 14, and, well, I believe that I'm depressed. It hasn't be like, diagnosed yet because I'm too scared to go to the doctors, but my ex boyfriend thought I had it; his brother had major depression and he believes I have it too.. Anyway.

People say I hurt myself for attention, but I don't. They only see the ones that I can't hide, the rest are carefully placed so no one will notice...

Thing is, is I don't really have a good enough reason to be this depressed, to want to die, but I do anyway. Since I was November 2008, I've not been 'happy' at least not as happy as a 9-14 year old should be.

When I was 9, November 2008, my grandfather passed away after battling cancer for lots of years; I never knew what to do after that because me and my mum would always go up to his house everyday and see if he needed help, and I'd help him, well try and help him, do his crossword puzzles whilst mum made us dinner.

I've never really had friends either.. I had one best best friend named Pristie, but she moved when I was 7.

Pristie had wavy, dirty blonde hair that ended with her spine. Her eyes were a shocking shade of blue, the kind of blue you could spot straight away in a crowd. She wasn't the tallest of people, but definitely not the shortest either. Her dark eyelashes curled perfectly without the use of any makeup, and there was a little, tiny brown mole just underneath the right corner of her right eye; that was her most self-conscious part of herself, but I thought it was the most beautiful. The perfection didn't stop there though, even her hands were perfect! Nails the perfect length, not too long, but not bitten down to the extreme either, perfect, with slim fingers and hands to match her slim waistline and face.

I looked so out of place next to Pristie, the fat, ugly friend. Always have been, always will be.

I have long-ish, slightly wavy hair that's been dyed multiple times but is now a dark brown with blonde highlights, slowly going lighter. My eyes are horrible. They are green on the outside layer, with little dark blue splodges in them, then they are a dark brown/hazel colour, before going back to the green/brown. I have to wear 5 different types of mascaras to make my eyelashes look remotely long, and I usually wear a thin layer of pencil and liquid eyeliner to go with it. I'm around 5'7, and a size 10-12, but sometimes I fit into a size 8 or 14 in certain shops, which means I'm usually a Medium or a Large. In the US I'd be a size 6 to a size 12..

Ooooo! Did you know that a US size 0 is a UK size 2. I mean, they don't even sell size 2 clothes in normal shops here!! That practically takes you down into the kids clothes! No joke!

Anyway..

I've recently moved house, and I barley had any friends where I'd lived previously and it took me since I was little to make those friends, it's going to take me forever here! I'm awkward, as in, terribly awkward. When it comes to meeting new people I'm the worst. Someone will talk to me, and they will be really nice, trying to make me feel comfortable and trying to help me fit in, but I'll think the worst in them, I'll think that they are thinking the worst in me; I'll just smile at the floor, shuffling from foot to foot, or watching my feet tipping onto their sides whilst I fiddle with my own fingers or my hair, that's what I do when I'm nervous, if you hadn't guessed. Usually that puts people off and I end up not having friends, or just having that one friends who's the nerd who has no friends either, that's the way it works with me, except with my best friend now.

She's beautiful. Vicky. She's stunning. Have you ever watched Skins? Well, she looks exactly like the younger Effy in Skins! No joke! She's got dark-ish brown hair with lighter bits in that ranges from mousy brown to caramel blonde, and she's gorgeous. She's the same height as me, but is a size 6-8, perfect. Vicky's eyes are a stunning blue, just like Pristie's were, maybe even brighter; they are framed by thick black lashes, even darker and curlier than Pristie's were.

Her skin is perfect. Her hair is perfect. Her weight is perfect. Her humour is perfect. Her eyes are perfect. She is just perfect. I'm not even exaggerating.

But yeah, that's about them and me I guess.. The story is finally going to start.