I walked up the steps to my old house. It was a red brick and it must have cost my parents a dollar or two. Especially for where it is in Manhattan. I look up at the grand, suffocating door as I place the key into the lock and give it a push. It takes some strength but it finally opens.
I am greeted by the sound of a young girl screaming. That will be Jennet. Silence reigned for a moment. Then, she was attached to the base of my leg. She glared at me, and was spouting her usual babble. I wait a minute until she calms down and I pick her up into my arms. Her nanny leaves, looking like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Only now I realise that Jennet is a lot heavier than when I did this last. But I don't mind. She enjoys it. I have to keep others happy for my own sanity.
We walk into the kitchen and I put her down on top of the dark granite counter. I place down my bag next to her and get a drink from the fridge. I pour her a bit into her small glass. She gulps it down. She looks so innocent. So young. I don't want her to grow up and be subject to people. I now notice the note on the counter telling me that Mom and Dad are away on business and I am to take our meals out of the fridge. Dad must have wrote this, as in the fridge there is a note telling me where money is and we're to get Chinese for dinner instead. Typical Mom. Thinks she knows what I prefer. In this case, she's right.
I get the takeout menu and place our order. It's the usual. Sweet and Sour Chicken for two and a portion of rice and noodles to share. That gives me twenty minutes to get us ready. I send Jennet to clear her mess away and I get plates and trays ready.
The doorbell rings. That's unusual. The delivery man usually knocks. I send Jennet to sit quietly on the couch while I answer the door.
It's him. Again. He gives the takeout to me and I give the money to him. Now I can look at him better. His jet black hair has whisps of pure white running through. He has dark cocoa eyes, barely distinguishable from his pupils. He has the slightest amount of gold eyeshadow on, visible from only this close. His leather jacket is old and tatty, but he pulls it off somehow. I look back at his face, with a good cheekbone structure.
I ask if I saw him earlier. He says yes. I ask him his name. He says Jae. I give him a tip. Jae turns around to go back down the steps. He gets halfway down. He stops and looks back.
"Diner tomorrow? 2:00pm?" Jae says.
"Is it that obvious?" I reply. He shakes his head. I step back and close the door. I exhale. At least my secret is safe for now.
Jennet starts to shout again for food. I tell her to turn on the TV and wait a few minutes. Soon enough, I am perched on the sofa next to her. She's watching some show on a kids channel. But she's not really watching it because of all the ads. I remember when we lived in England, the ad breaks would last minutes at most. Here they last for hours. That was before everything though.
We finish eating and I look at the time. It's time for Jennet to get ready for bed. She starts to protest but it doesn't work on me. She brushes her teeth and washes and I read her a bedtime story. Romeo and Juliet she chooses - an abridged version. About halfway through, she starts to sleep and I leave her there. I turn the monitor on and head to my room, directly above.
It isn't the tidiest of places but that's alright. It reflects my messy mind. I get ready for bed and climb in. My bedsheets are freezing cold. I feel like an icicle, still and useless. My thoughts wander to Jae. He seems nice enough but how did he know? I didn't say anything wrong, did I? No one can know. Even Lucienne hasn't figured it out yet, and she's the person I'm closest to.
Just as I begin to fall asleep, Jennet knocks at the door and peeks round the corner. She starts to edge closer to me and I eventually sit up and smile at her. She puts on her childish voice and asks can she sleep up here with me. I never object, I never make a fuss. I get out of bed and she takes my place. She makes herself comfortable. I get my mat and blanket out of my wardrobe and lie on the floor. I take one fleeting glance at Jennet. She's sound asleep there with no worries. Another reason why I don't want her to grow up. She won't have a life without worry.
I start thinking about what made us move here. Jennet wasn't born yet so it didn't affect her as much. Dad.... Dad got into an argument at work. More than an argument. A fully blown civil dispute with his employer. Mom was his lawyer. He is a doctor, and it was ideal for her. It ended up becoming this massive case on the news and everything and somehow I was dragged into the middle of it. Soon after, it seemed like the entire country knew our business and we decided to move. Dad got a job at Columbia lecturing and at one of the major hospitals being a doctor. Mom got a transfer here. We became the disgrace of the family - the part that no one talked about and moving was the perfect solution. We could use the distance as a reason not to return. Once we got here, no one knew who I was. I grew up normally.
I feel myself drifting and I soon am sound asleep.
