Great expectations revised ending

This ending brings the story back to chapter 43, before Pip had left to go to the country to see Miss Havisham and Estella.

I told Herbert of my plans to go visit Satis House and planned to leave the next morning.  I left before it was light.  We moved slowly at first, unable to see the road before us. Soon after it became light we had to stop, for my servant was not well. I decided it was best to turn around and try again tomorrow. 
By the time we arrived back at the house we had stopped many times for my servant  to disgorge.  He had done this many times and by the next morning I decided that we could not go. As much As I wanted to see Estella I could not go. I gave up on leaving, not because I did not want to go, but because my servant had died. I had no driver.
Months later I heard that Estella had been married. I fell into a despair. I did not eat or sleep much during that period. When I had worked my strength back up, Magwitch was telling me about his plan to escape. He was going to have me row him to an area where he could get in another boat. This must've been their plan to distract me and make me feel better. I went along with their ridiculous scheme to make me get out of the house. I was meant to row the stream every day for weeks to build my strength and make my rowing inconspicuous.  Eventually I could row the route easily. 
Today is the day to row Magwitch to safety. I don't feel I'm ready. I don't feel I can get up. I don't have the energy. Today is the one year anniversary of Estella's marriage. Why would they plan the escape for this dreadful day.  In this past year I've been told that her husband, Drummle, beats her. I knew he was not the right person for her. She should've loved me. I would never do that to her.
All day I've been distracted. Even Magwitch noticed whilst I was rowing him to his freedom. As I was leaving the pocket household with my effects, Mr. Pocket stopped me and told me the most terrible news I had ever heard in my life. 
Estella had died. She had been hit in the head. The wonderful goddess Estella had been murdered.  My love, my life, my hope, my world, had been killed. I set off to the river. I was angry and rowing, as I've learned, helps with anger.
Magwitch and I get in the boat with the equipment he will need when he gets to the boat.  I was distracted. With the news of the love of my life gone, I had lost my will to live. I got Magwitch to safety. Then I started on my way back. 
I stopped on the riverbank about halfway between the boat where I left Magwitch and where I was to meet Herbert. Earlier, while planning for the trip Herbert suggested taking one of his father's guns in case we ran into trouble.  I went into the woods a few yards from the riverside. I took out the gun. This sadness overwhelmed me.  My love, the light of my life was dead. My sister beat me and joe when I was a child. Biddy hated me, Estella didn't even love me, I'm in so much debt.  Im just going to end it. I pray it is not Herbert that finds me. Goodbye.