Maybe One Day

5

Before long we were so in love. But the first time we told each other was strange. We were at the point where I would sit in the bar until 11, drinking cokes and lemonades so I could still drive, and then she would hang up her apron and we would leave. We would drive to wherever we were taken, supermarket car parks, empty fields. I can't go to any of these places now without tasting blood.

On this day we were sharing a cigarette and she was reading to me from her book. She had written about me. Her words still ring in my head. I had her book now, but I don't need it to quote this passage.

His dark curly hair, loosely gelled into place, had a knack of always falling perfectly. It wasn't the only perfect quality he had, his eyes were always green and shining, his skinny torso fit perfectly into all the clothes he wore, which were mainly black. He reminded me of a vintage film star, the classic pretty boy face and those dimples that could make any girl smile. His voice was deep and gravelly, and although rarely heard it only spoke of good and kind things. I never had faith in politics until I met him, and I really do think he could change the world. And I love him.

She was never nervous around me apart from now. She used a lot of artistic license to create me in her work, but she made me sound interesting. I kissed her and told her I loved her too, and what she said still stays with me.

"You love me? Prove it."

So I took the cigarette and took a drag, and then screamed at the top of my lungs, screamed that I loved Rain. Screamed it until my throat hurt and my lungs burned, but she had shrieked with laughter and I rarely saw her laugh. The smoke from our cigarettes blended with the sky and she screamed it back. We had screamed so much that all of the next week my throat scratched. But in that night it was worth it. In that night she had laughed like I'd never seen her laugh, and her sleeves had rolled up and revealed her scars but she still laughed and screamed out that she loved me.

I never felt as alive as I did when we were screaming. I never felt as in love with her as I did when she laughed so hard her nose screwed up and she screamed that she loved me. Rain, the strongest person I knew, loved me.

She loved me.