Once upon a time lived a girl, not so little. She loved too much and sometimes too little, she did not know a place where she could relax. She could never get away from her mind, after all. She did get away from it sometimes, to places where she didn't exist. She would find someone that caught her eye: adult, child, woman, man, it didn't matter, and she would watch them. When they were happy, so was she, when they were sad, she would cry. Someone who lived another's life.
She was often misunderstood by them. You see, she didn't know how to smile gently at the right time or nod with aknowdgement and those other things that just seems to come naturally to everyone else. She was scared... of what, I cannot say. But she looks away the moment anyone seems to notice her, she wants to smile but her lips do not move from the frown that seems to be everpresent on her little face.
But sometimes she gets too attached, to a point where she cannot bear to part with them. The funny thing is, this person might not even be aware of her existence. Maybe it's just regret. Regret that she did not do anything that could have changed her from a stranger to them. That was probably why she could let go of them easier when they had talked to her, or even just smiled.
What made her most happy was when they tried to talk to her. When they make her a part of their lives, howsoever small. She would live those moments over and over again. But again she might come off as rude. Oh, if they only knew that when she did not reply it was because she was trying to think of the perfect thing to say and that she could never look anyone in the eye, that it was not their fault. It breaks her heart when they stop talking to her because they think she hated them. If they only knew how wrong they were.
She did not know what she wanted, for them to look at her or to look away.
She never had much to talk about, she rarely lived her own life. So her friends were often the talkative sort, she just had to listen. Did you think that she had no friends? She sometimes think too why her friends love her as they do. She felt unworthy of their love. She wondered why she could not love them as much.
She loved her family, but like every parents, her parents scolded her too. She wished they didn't. She knew when she did something wrong and whether or not she was told, she would regret it, more than any ordinary person would, she wasn't ordinary after all. But when her parents, the people she loved the most, scolded her for it, she felt hell. She hated herself, she wished she had never been born, she hated herself for not being a perfect daughter.
People said she was strong that she wasn't emotional... She had a higher endurance for pain than her friends. She felt the pain, she just thought that she had no right to cry over something so small when there were others who had to face much worse on a daily basis. She wasn't strong, she just hated showing her tears to others to be made fun of.
This story is not over so I cannot end it, I leave it up to each one of you readers to finish it.
