From the moment I saw him, I knew he would be an important person in my life, I never could have thought he would mean this much too me. I know the saying, he came into my life and turned my world upside down, but I actually feel the opposite. He came into my life and turned everything right-side up. Before I met him, my life was already upside down. From the loneliness, the long nights, the hours I spent crying alone, clear water turning to pink in the shower, trying to escape reality in anyway I could. But, when I saw him, everything disappeared, the depression, the self-loathing, the need to get everyone's approval on every little thing I do. I felt welcomed, accepted. His name is Kyle. He is tall with deep emerald green eyes that you could get lost in, light, soft blonde hair with dark and dangerous brown roots, beautifully light sun-kissed skin, black-rimmed glasses, his goofy lopsided smile, his intoxicating, full lips. He's completely and utterly insane, but that's what I liked most about him.
One problem though; my best friend since 3rd grade liked him. I mean really liked him. She talked about him all the time. She gushed over him and each time I felt even more guilty for liking him. Her name, Jazmine. Jaz for short. She is on the shorter side, a cute kinda short, with green eyes rimmed with ragged blue and brown that you could see the world in, long chestnut brown hair, beach tanned skin, and a warm, inviting smile. She lives pretty far away, so once she left to go back home, Kyle and I made plans to go do something, but only as friends. We rode bikes to the beach and went to the movies... just normal stuff.
Until one time when we were walking around the mall. It was an outside mall and it was getting late so we decided to sit on a staircase and just talk. Granted there was a lot of awkward silence, but a few minutes later of catching glimpses of each other he said, "If I don't do this, I know I'll hate myself for it." And then, he kissed me. It took me by surprise. Honestly, it kinda scared me. My mind was going a million miles a minute thinking about Jaz, thinking about how this is my first kiss, how this is going to change everything. It was a soft, tender, caring kiss. Once he pulled away we just stayed there staring at each other until I looked away embarrassed. He asked me what was wrong and I told him it was nothing, but being Kyle he wouldn't let me get off that easy. "Seriously tell me what's wrong. Is it me? Was the kiss bad?"
"No no no it was good, you're good. It's just..."
"It's just what?" he said while I was trying to avoid looking at him. What was I supposed to say? I'm not good at putting what I feel into words, how could I ever explain to him that he makes me feel a way that I've never felt before. How was I supposed to tell him that I was falling for him. "Katie tell me, what's wrong?"
"I'm fine. I don't know. I guess I'm just surprised that a guy like you could like me." He looked away for a second. He had a stern look on his face like he was trying to figure something out.
"A guy like me? What kind of guy am I?" I tried to think of something, anything I could tell him because all I thought when I would see him was perfect.
"You're smart, cute, funny, charming, and most of all sweet."
"So why are you so surprised that a "guy like me" could like you?"
"Because usually, if ever, a guy likes me, he doesn't like me for me, he just wants to see what he can get from me. They're not sweet like you, they're jerks."
"I'm sure that's not true. And even if it is, that just means you haven't met the right guys yet." A little time passed and we were both silent. Finally it had come time where we had to go home so we parted ways for the night. When I got home I looked at my phone and saw a text from him. When I opened it, it said "Goodnight, I hope you sleep well and maybe we can talk tomorrow. Sweet dreams." It was so cute and romantic. Me being my dumb self, didn't even text back. I just sat there and wondered to myself, was there something wrong with me? I didn't even know what I was feeling or what to feel. I've never needed anyone....why now? I then thought to myself, what if he is like the all of the other guys I had fallen for? What if I won't be able to make it through another heartbreak? I really didn't want to think that any of these things could be true. I gave my phone another glace, took a deep breath, then went to bed.
Days passed of me staring at my phone, hoping he would text me. Then it happened, three days later he texted me asking if I wanted to go do something. When I saw that text, my heart skipped a beat. I was ecstatic. But, how would I reply? I didn't want to seem desperate or over eager. But, I also didn't want to seem disinterested. I replied and we made plans to just hang out at his house. Simple, but sometimes simple is dangerous.
Once I got there, I walked in by his side and his mom was there. I started freaking out but I couldn't let them know that so I kept my cool. What was I supposed to do. I mean I wanted his mom to like me but my mind was a complete blank. So, I just played it safe. I introduced myself, with a handshake and a warm smile. Then we headed upstairs to his room. One step, two, three... I had no idea where this was heading and it terrified me. When we made it to the top, he called my name. I stopped and turned to look at him, butterflies in my heart and stomach. He walked up to me and kissed me.
After that day, we started to see each other more. After a few days, we made it, as we said, official. I kept thinking to myself how lucky I was to have found Kyle. I didn't deserve a guy so sweet, caring, thoughtful. He was obviously way out of my league.
We spent almost everyday together. We would go out for something as simple as McDonald's to going out for sushi. Each day I fell harder and harder. There wasn't a time when we weren't texting, talking on the phone, or hanging out. We were inseparable, until school started that is. We knew going to schools in different districts was going to be hard but we made it work, at least for a little while. It was hard not being able to see him as much as I did over the summer, for both of us. We started talking less. He started being short when we were talking. He seemed distant, like his mind was a million miles away.
Then it happened, it proved that it was true. He ended it.
