(Lydia's POV)
I wake up in my house. Everything is hazy.. Sort of a dream-like vision with smoke on the floor. Not cigarette smoke.. Or fire smoke. Like the smoke they use in movies for the wooded-area scenes. I cant even see the floor.The smoke is kinda like a cloud now.
I realize I'm in my room, on my bed. I throw the blankets off of me and onto the floor. The blankets disappear into the smoke, dissolving almost. I squint and lift up my foot to stab the smoke- Testing it's reliability, making sure i don't fall into the smoke.
I think I'm hallucinating.. What is the last thing i can remember?
Taking off my cloths
Too much information.
In shock. Walking to the bathroom
Did i actually do it?
Bloody bathtub
I actually did it..
Chandler's voice
Wait.. What? What is Chandler doing in my flashbacks?
The faint cries for my name
Please save me, Chandler.
Slipping into a deep sleep
No no no no no no no. I cant be dead. I need to go back i need to-
Laughing coming from downstairs cuts my thinking off.
Could it? ... Is it? ... But it can't be..
I jump out of my bed and rush downstairs where i see my mother and my grandmother sitting on the porch outside the kitchen laughing and drinking tea. My.. mother..
She is just as beautiful as i remember her.. 35 years old and only looks 25. Porcelain skin. Perfect straight, white teeth and full lips to complete her breath-taking smile. Big blue eyes that light up her rosy pink cheeks. Her cheeks are more round and child-like rather than bony. Slim perfect figure and a straight blond waterfall down her back that reaches her butt. She has on a white tank-top and light blue cowgirl jeans. She was wearing that the night.. She died.
I'm still standing at the kitchen entrance when my mind suddenly changes. I don't want to go back anymore. I want to be here, with her.. Forever. She's actually happy. Iv'e never seen her laugh or smile like she is now. But I'm frozen. I want to go see her, but i cant move. All these years i dreamt of this day and its.. its here..
I just lean here on the kitchen entrance wall and watch my beautiful mother with my mouth wide open. Halfway through telling something to my grandmother her eye shifts to the corner, sees me and stops laughing. Her expression turns from 'the happiest girl in the world' to 'A nightmare'. Is she not happy to see me? Maybe she doesn't know me.. or she's disappointed in me.. Maybe she forgot about me..
"Mommy" I try to smile, hoping to make my mother smile as well.
She just stares with her mouth to her feet. She finally gets up and walks towards me, slowly.. gently. As if I'm on the animal planet and I'm her prey. "Mom?" I say with confusion, backing up a step. She's starting to scare me. "Mom its me.. Lydia" A tear rolls down my eye, then another one, followed my many more.
My mother stops walking towards me when she reaches the halfway point. "Im sorry, i dont know you" She says as she looks away. Her voice sounds as if shes crying, but i cant see since she's not facing me.
She's lying.
She cant lie and look me in the face, same when I lie to Chandler.
"Y-you're lying" My voice is shaky. I never wanted it to be this way with my mother. I dreamed of it with hugs and kisses and me running into her arms. But not all of us can have a happy ending.
"Go away!" She yells but stops herself and smooths out her voice "You cant be here" She still wont face me.
I'm shocked. I'm speechless.. I turn around to walk away.. but something stops me. I turn back around to try to face her. "Look at me" My voice is steady and controlling.
"I'm sorry i-"
"LOOK AT ME" I scream in determination as i cut her off. She will not be the 1000000th person to let me down. She is the only one or one of the only two, and i am not losing her.
She turns around and i see her face is red, her eyes look pain full and wet from crying. "Lydia, you can't be here, you need to go back" She keeps her distance, knowing that if she gets too close to me she might never want to let go.
"I don't want to go back, mom. I want to be here, with you! And grams!" I'm desperate to hug her. Feel love again.
"I cant take you, that would be selfish of me when there is someone who needs you more than i do.. Waiting for you on the other side" Her voice was calm and like a melody.
"Dad doesn't need me-"
"Not him.. Think about it Lydia.. Go back. It will get better, i promise" She forces a smile.
Not dad? Who else would need me? Anyone who needs me now needs a wallet because i eat A LOT. "Iv'e been telling myself that for nine years.."
"You can't be happy withuout a little pain" A little pain? little? Is she seriouse? "Go back, im not waiting for you"
"who are you waiting for?" Not me? Not her daughter?
"Lydia, you don't have much time, you need to go now" Her voice was getting lower and lower, her and grams start to disappear and the house starts to feel empty and cold "NOW LYDIA! GO NOW" The faint screams of desperation made me move quick.
I shoot myself up the stairs and into my bed room. Its like my bed is running away from me. I keep running for it but it gets farther and farther. I finally make a quick decision and jump onto the bed and everything goes dark.
My eyes pop open and i dart them from side to side. I see I'm in a hospital with a lot of doctors over me. I suck in a huge breath of oxygen. Even though I'm alive, i still feel as dead as i can be.
** Hope you guys like it! New chapter monday! get ready for the feels <3 Dont forget to vote and comment! <33 **
