Fearsome.

•

My eyes glistening with tears,
But not yet fallen.
I'm crying, but they're silent tears.
I'm crying on the inside so you are unable to see
All the pain running though me.

I never sleep,
For fear of what tomorrow might bring.
How can I be so lost
In a place I know so well?
How can I be so broken
In a family so together?
How can I be so confused
Surrounded by so many?

Always forced to fight.
A fight I never seem to win.
God only knows such a fact.
I've fought for so long.
When will this ever end?
Sometimes I walk past everyone as if I were invisible.

Everything's moving with no place to go.
I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,
But it's seizures.
The time it took to change me.
The life I had, I can't have back.
Yet I can't see why all these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are still unsaid.
So instead, I write them on paper.
What I hide is buried deep within me.

So many tears I have shed in the dark,
Hidden away in the privacy of my own thoughts,
Only to be shelved with morning's first light
Because of no courage to speak of my pain.
And it hurts to know that I'll never be the same,
Knowing I'll never be the guy I used to be.
If you only knew what I've been through,
Or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes,
Because this is sometimes how I feel.