Real

7.

*March 22, 2015*

To be honest, waking up in a hospital day and night is not what any person wants, trust me. Most people might think that it's cool to just watch movies and eat food all day in the bed remaining in one place and not moving your butt is fun. The human facts are not true. You are always on a strict diet. As less exposure to screens as possible, reading, meeting friends only while visiting hours and what not. Can't even go to the washroom without the help of the nurse, even if you can. It's 8:00 am right now. One hour till visiting hours start. My friends wont be able to come till three but I can wait. They have been visiting me everyday. Often Ronald too. He blames himself. He thinks that my belly got heavy because of the lemonade and I lost my balance. Stupid. I feel weird since the day I actually woke up and started eating food from my mouth. I just find it really awkward how the doctors can feed your body for days without giving you actual roughage. At least thats what I've learnt in school. The doctor says, I might be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen? This, clearly. Staying in a wheel chair is going to change my future and my life. It's going to be more difficult. The fall damaged my whole spinal cord and also the tail bone. My neck was bad too but it got fixed in a day or two. An inferior vision and balance of two seconds changed my life. I have been feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline recently. I just feel so full of energy and alive comparing my situation. I just want to run, jump, cheerlead. The things I might never be able to do again. Forever.

'Hey sweetie!' What the hell?

'Aah! Aahh! What is happening to me? Ahhh!'

'What happened dear? What? Doctor. Doctor!'

'Ahh. Mom, stop talking for goodness sake, its hurting! Stop screaming!'

'What is happening to you Lucy? What is happening to you?'

'Stop it mom, stop it everyone! It's all too loud! Its loud. Stop it!' Hurts.

I can see the doctor coming in. I don't think its he's going to be able to help me. Its hurting. It's the literal definition of pain. It feels like I'm hearing sound above twenty thousand hertz of loudness. If I am, then its not normal. It's not human. The sound is not only intriguing my ears but also the whole of my body. I'm screaming at the top of my voice but it's only coming back to me. I can feel my own voice shatter my ear drums. The doctor just came in, I think because this might be the noisiest room in the hospital right now. He has a needle in his hand, probably for me. Yes. He pushes it in my nerves. Nothing happens. I'm panicking. The voices are back to normal not. I don't even know what that was. It was terrific. Hearing the sounds so loud, it has never happened to me before. I don't think, its ever happened to anyone before. I just realized that I could make my back stand up. My back and upper hipbone were moving. How is that even possible? Even trying to make my body move further down from my neck was giving me screams. I try to look outside, but the curtains are closed. The room is dark. My mom is sitting on my bed just beside me asking me questions. And now it just feels like I'm lost in my own thoughts and I can barely hear her. I'm staring at the door, staring at the curtains, staring at my hands, staring at my moms heels. I just don't know what to do. My eyes are wide open. I can feel the watering and burning and it's not hurting. At least I cant feel it. My rooms door is open. I have seen more than three bodies taken to different rooms. Doctors and nurses running, people crying, laughing and plain. Everything just seems deep, intense. Whats the word? Intimidating. Seeing blood was an issue for me since I was born. I'm just not a fan of the bright red colour dripping out of someones body. If it's mine, I'm good with it.

The doctor comes in and my mom starts,

'She's not responding, please do something. She's not closing her eyes!' She says worrying.

'Mrs. Stephens, I will need you to calm down please. You can have a seat on the grey armchair. We don't have the need for more panicked people.' He says and I slightly smile in my disgust. I wish I could be that rude to whoever I wanted.

He stands on the right blocking my view to the window.

'Hey Lucy! Hey!' He shines his torch at my eyes but I don't blink.

'Can you hear me?' He asks a little louder now.

'Yes.' My voice comes out raspy and almost in a whisper.

'Good. Now your mom says that you are not closing your eyes. I need you to close your eyes and open them slowly about three times.'

I close my eyes and a ton of water drips out. I open and close them thrice as he said.

'Nice. Now when I last came you launched up your back yourself, thats pretty unusual.' Yeah and for the record no one asked me why I was screaming because that is way more important.

'Yeah it is but you guys never asked me why I was screaming?'

'We just figured that you were having a dream or hallucination about the incident.' The doctor said and my eyes squinted in disgust.

'No you're wrong, I was awake when it happened, it was not what you think. I was hearing loud. Very loud.' I try to put pressure on some words but my voice doesn't allow.

'You just think that way, its not what happened. You can relax that issue. But we will have to take an x-ray of your spinal and tail cord. We will take you around five pm to the studio and then the results will be out in a couple of hours.' He says and lowers his glasses.

'But now I cant move it. I guess it was just a jerk because I was panicked but now it hurts.' I say.

'Wait. It's almost even impossible to jerk an injury like this and then it coming back to it's form. Don't worry. We will be able to figure out whats going on after the scan.' As if, what is this? 1990? Where doctors cant figure out stuff.

'Fine.' I say and look the other way.

'Mrs. Stephens, I need to talk to you for a second, please.'

He disappears with my mom and I stare out the door. Bodies are being taken away and stuff happening. Hospital stuff. I'm staring at a nurse and she's looking back at me. She has yellow eyes.

Thats objective.