I'm falling, collapsing again.
The walls are crumbling down
and my hands are ready to stop
working because they've gone
n u m b.
I'm defiling my skin
with rivers of waters
that don't seem to stop
crashing form their home.
Voices
yelling
and
whispering,
music stuck on repeat
fill my ears as well as
enter my vision as the
figures seem to dance
with the tune of
craziness.
Faceless men walk by
as bleeding ladies wrap
themselves around me
like a blanket that
suffocates me until I can
no longer breathe.
A little faster is the way
my heart like to beat and
I ache for the feel of a stick
in between my fingers. The
dagger lowers itself a little
more and I can heat the
sirens of an ambulance
whaling around me,
engulfing
every part of me as I grab
a pair of scissors and stab
the mirror because I hate what
I see.
Lies and like and lies
fill up the space between my
lungs and veins, the corridor
between sanity and insanity
is finally unlocked, revealed,
and I can no longer run away
from the door that wants to spill
the secrets out of it's contents. I
can't find the key that once bled
through my skin as the lion roars
and the metal hits my flesh. Just
hold on a little longer, Darling.
The bones in my body begin to
protrude through the skin that
clings onto me, looking for a place
that feels a little deeper and closer
to home. My lips move but I can't
seem to speak so I lick the finger
with the tiny specks of white and
grab the
water
that doesn't taste like water and
swallow because that's the only
thing that seems right.
I'm losing a battle that was meant to win
and I can no longer find the strength to
fight because fighting was never a part
of me. The crowd seems to roar even
louder and the lion shows me the color
of its eyes and I walk towards the man
that bled out in my room.
Does life really feel like this?
My hands shake and I dislike the feeling
of life and I wander out of my body and
watch with eyes that linger on bodies more
than usual; watch from afar as my body nears
because I can't seem to become part of the
world so I laugh and dance in the midst of air
and I fall to the ground as the music etches it's
notes into my skin. The ladies of the dead finally
get their chance as they wrap themselves around
me and the faceless men of evil finally get to
torture me the way they've wanted to for so long. I
begin to bleed because, really, that's the only thing
I find myself capable of doing right. I bleed like
the man that houses the door of my room at
night
and I don't cry in pain because it's useless. I let
the river of waters flow from their homes because
I want this all to end.
I want the feelings and emotions to finally
expel themselves out of my body and
evaporate from existence. The dagger
slips and falls and plunges into the womb
of oblivion, the heart of loneliness, the
corridor of sanity and I begin to realize
that I was never truly human. I was a
demon dressed up in clothes that never
really fit; I was a snake that slithered into
the head of a hallucination and found a
spot to nest my thoughts. I was the key
to insanity as I walked the long corridor
and turned left because I was never right.
