I needed to get this off of my chest...
I've been feeling I'm getting back to myself again. The 'me' who is a writer, who loves to write and pour down her feelings, who loves to create and inspire others with her words. It's been almost 3 to 4 months that I've been very inactive on Wattpad. Which I probably thought would never happen. Whenever I used to come across people saying that they're too busy to write or couldn't find time to come here. I'd always think, that would never abandon wattpad or writing. By that, I certainly don't mean that anyone shouldn't concentrate on life outside wattpad. I know how things can turn or how really busy one can be. Anyway, point isn't about being on wattpad. It's about writing!
So I've been feeling myself because of the good news that came. My book 'Woman in Me' getting chosen for the YSI Contest. I'm not bragging. I'm mentioning this because it acted as an encouragement to me. At the time, when I was really doubting my writing abilities. When that 'me', I thought had turned vague and dull in life's ups and downs. I still need to get that spark back and be on track. But at least, there's some change.
During this months, I've felt multiple emotions as a writer. Unable to come to terms with these emotions, I kept feeling confused. I've came to little conclusions to each of these feelings and sharing my own perspective of them. cutedaisy19 and me had many discussions regarding this. How we miss writing, how we miss being here, how to be back and how to be in touch with writing, without forcing ourselves. Believe me it's a sinking feeling. Miserable too. I was blaming time. I was excusing myself with studies/work. But I realised later, I'm realising it now that somewhere I'm responsible for not giving time to writing. Due to my inability to focus on it, I excused my busy life on it. I wasn't really that busy that I couldn't give time to something which means so much to me. In fact, I founded myself wasting time on social networking sites. I wasted those precious moments when I could pen down my feelings/thoughts. When I could at least try to improve my writing skills. The most utter loss I felt when my fingers cringed to write and couldn't find inspiration. Or when I felt inspired and couldn't put down in words. And to not do these for real, made me feel more frustrated in turn. That's when I realise the reason behind the sinking feeling and confusion. The tug off war between write or not to write. It's a truth, that people gave time to their priorities. And when they don't, either priority changes or the person. I think either of one was happening to me. I really think no one is that busy to not give time to something they love. I think sometimes situations turn outs to be that way. You don't do it intentionally. And you find yourself distanced with writing. All you can do is get on track, find a balance. Step by step. When you couldn't find inspiration around, I think reading more and more definitely helps. Helps the creative juices to flow. So people like me, sheza (cutedaisy19), akki321 needs to get our arse up.
Another perspective I hold, is that finding time to write and being encouraged goes hand in hand. Sheza (cutedaisy19) says, she isn't keen to write. Because she feels not many people read her and may have forgotten her. And I keep telling her that even if there's one person who's willing to read, then you should never stop writing. And that one person would be me. Certainly every human on this earth needs encouragement. You can't write and show it to white walls. It's a doomed feeling when you don't receive encouragement for something you love to do. Here's where the link joins. I felt encouraged and being back to myself again. Amidst of those confused feelings, even if I get busy now I'm determined that I'll make time for writing. I'll make time for the thing that makes me happy. Maybe, just maybe if I wasn't encouraged (mind you, encouragement doesn't comes by winning contest or accolades. It can just struck you by a pat, a smile or a few appreciative words) I would keep being like this. Zombie-ing the writer in me.
Now, I'll put both these perspective in a jar and close the lid. The lid being why being present on Wattpad matters to me. I was having a conversation with Sheza in evening today. Since I'm craving to write, she was teaching me the new poetry form she attempted. And our talks turned on how the medium of encouragement is different for both of us. She started writing when she was in 2nd or 3rd grade. She saw her essays published in her school magazine in 5th grade, she realised her love for writing. And that acted as a catalyst of encouragement for her.
On the other hand, I didn't had smallest like micro relationship with writing (except writing essays in school which were really crappy). I discovered my love and ability to write on Wattpad. My medium of encouragement is people on Wattpad. So the less time I spend here, less is the source of encouragement.
I'm wrote this for people like me and sheza. To all those who are fighting to understand these feelings and to all those who are ignoring writing, intentionally or unintentionally. This are my perspective, I don't expect everyone to agree with me.
I needed to get this off of my chest...
A/N - Phew! This was really long. I don't know what I wrote is right or wrong, needed or not. I just blabbered.
Also, I'd really appreciate if you can vote on the first part of Woman In Me. If you know me, you'd know I'm not hungry for votes. The contest demands it. So here's the link - https://www.wattpad.com/147924907-the-woman-in-me-woman-of-her-dreams-i
If you've voted earlier, unvote and vote again. Thank you!
