Loss of a Family

This morning my wife announced that she wants a divorce. My reality shattered. Her feelings for me has been diminishing in favor of this new guy.

We've been married fifteen years and have two daughters together. Within the last three months, she knew him in our bed, introduced him to our children and has asked me to leave so that he may replace me. I didn't want to believe it.

From our bedroom, we argued. Our bitter discussion continued to the living room. I was mad and angry, and I wanted to smite her. I didn't. In my rage, I picked up a clay vase, made by her now deceased mother, and I threw it past her head. The vase hit the wall and broke in pieces.

My wife was stunned. Never in our relationship had I have an outburst like that. Our children, who were observing from the corner of the hallway were petrified. My wife took up anger and yelled for me to leave. In turn, I matched her volume and told her that this is my house. The arguing ended when my eldest daughter raised her voice in asking for me to go. Nothing else mattered.

My wife repeated my daughter's words and they bit like a viper. My life was crumbling. I was dealing with feelings I had never experienced and worst yet I don't know how to comprehend it all.

Jena, my daughter, trembled and fell back against the wall as I approached her. I knelt down and gazed upon her face, I asked her if me gone was what she wanted. She couldn't bear to look at my pitiful face. Out of the side of her head, she said, "Yes. We needed you here. John was. Where were you?"

That was all I could bear to hear, it was too much. While in my blue pajamas and satin robe, I left. I didn't want them to see me cry. I left my car in the driveway because there is nowhere for me to go.

I walked for hours crying and reflecting. As the sun rose, so did the activity within the world. No one spoke a word to me until after the tears ceased its flow. I received the occasional "Hi," or "Good morning," or "How's it going?" No one ever stopped to know how things were going, they simply walked by.

The cold-shoulder the world gave me reminded me of something I heard long ago "The love of many will grow cold." My limbs shivered in the simmering heat.

At that time, I pondered on how many people I passed by in my lifetime who bore pain as deep as mine and yet I never bothered to care. I never gave them a second thought. It dawned on me, this is how we display our humanity. I dwelled on the subject and came to the conclusion that without genuine love there is no purpose in living.

These past few years, all I've done is work for my family's sake. Our home was being foreclosed and I offered up my job in search of a better. In memory of my older brother, I minored in business administration and entrepreneurship. A friend of mine ran a somewhat successful business in leadership hiring and I asked for a job. He was reluctant to hire me but after two months I was the top executive, my brother's dream.

My job consisted of traveling and managing. Due to the nature of my work, I wasn't able to spend much time with my family. My work provided and they were able to live an abundant life. Even though I did all that I could for them, my wife told me I wasn't home enough and begged me to quit. It took over a year, but I had finally come home for good. My old boss even gave me my job back. It appears, however, that I am too late.

Now here I am, in the park. As I sit, my bare, throbbing, beating feet rest. Bright colors of all sorts surround me. The sun smiles from above through the calm blue sky. People of all sorts play with their children or pets on the vibrant green grass. A woman pushing a stroller passes me by while enjoying a conversation on her cellphone. The world seems to be happy and yet, I hide my face from this beauty because it's not something I can endure any longer. I look down, pondering. The wound of losing everything in a single day is still open and this sight only fuels my frustration.