Flutter Fuck

3| Sick

"-Lana, you can't just keep staring at the wall to avoid answering me." Dr. Warren, my therapist, sighs. "If you want to get better, you need to talk to me."

My eyes focus on the chilling white walls of the small room I've been forced to sit at for a whole hour with this stupid fvcker poking at me every five seconds with a new question. "Tell you what, how about I-"

"Dr. Warren, your two o'clock is here and has been waiting on you for fifteen minutes." A woman in a yellow dress reports, and I take that as my cue to leave.

Dr. Warren sighs and nods at the lady. "Thank you, Alicia. Send them through." He says and points to me. "I'll be discussing your atitude with Emma through the phone. I expect you here next week."

Rolling my eyes, I walk out of the room and to the hallway where I spot Emma and Kid, whose name is actually Ethan, sitting with their phones in their hands. "Can we leave now? I'm starting to feel claustrophobic." I say, causing them to look up at me.

"Lana! How was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it, but I will say I was certainly contemplating stabbing the man with his stupid pen."

Emma sighs and nods at Ethan to stand up and follow her to the car. "Okay, you don't have to tell me, but I was hoping you'd want to go shopping with me for some clothes because as good as you look, you can't keep wearing my clothes."

"Are you actually giving me a choice?" I ask her, taking my head out from under the grip of my hand that's leaning on the window.

Emma shrugs. "You have the choice to say no, but you'd be coming regardless." She says.

A small smile creeps over my lips, but I'm able to hold it back before she sees it. I shrug at her. "Whatever. But I'm choosing the clothes." I warn and she simply nods, turning right.

Not long after, Emma parks the car at an open lot and tells Ethan and I to get off. Rolling my eyes, I follow behind them and eventually into a wide store with racks, rows, and stacks of clothes. "Oh no." I say, glancing at the amount of pink I'm able to see. "On second thought, fvck this, let's go to your house."

Emma frowns slightly, but finds herself smiling seconds after. "Aw, come on, Lana. You scared of a little pink?"

"I'm not scared, it's just- I can literally smell the pink." I shiver. "Look if you really want me to get some new clothes, then you'll lead me to a better store."

"Oh, I know a place!" Ethan says, surprisingly and points at a store down the long hallway. "It may not be much but my friend has a sister who's emo too and she shops here all the time!"

"I'm not emo, you little fvcker." I say, despite Emma's disapproving look. "I just prefer not looking like I let a unicorn throw up on me."

Emma chuckles and Ethan shrugs. "Okay then, let's get to work." She says, rubbing her hands against each other.

Almost two hours later, and we are finally exiting the mall with at least twenty bags full of clothes for me only. Now, we sit at the dinner table where Dylan, Emma's husband, has served homemade hamburgers.

Uncomfortable at the sight of food and a family of people so tight knit, I excuse myself to the room they've given me to use during my stay. "No, no, no. You can't eat that!" Mom slurs, walking into the kitchen with a bottle at her hand.

"What do you mean? It's just a sandwich, I can make you one too if you want." I say, standing up towards the ingredients for another.

Mom shakes her head, blood shot eyes borring into mine with an angry look. "No, just give me yours. Garry was telling me you're gaining too much weight."

"But Mom, I need to eat something. I'm feeling dizzy and hungry, I haven't ate since last week when you told me you hadn't ate all day." I say.

"Listen, Bîtch. If you eat that sandwich, Garry will start to see the fat and then he'll leave me and Garry makes me happy, and you like happy Momma, right?"

"Well yes, but-"

"Than don't eat the fvcking sandwich, fat ass!"

"Lana, is everything okay? You're food's ready." Emma says through my closed door.

I wipe angrily at my cheeks, for someone so strong, I cry way too much. "Um, yeah. I'm just not hungry. I think I'll go to bed early."

"Lana-"

Frustrated, I add another layer of bricks to my walls as I pound against the door to scare her off. "I said I'm fine, Emma. Fvck off."

"Look Lana, I know this isn't easy for you but you've crossed a line of disrespect that I will not tolerate."

She's not going away. Why the fvck is she not walking away? "What are you going to do? Ground me? News flash Emma, you're not my mom because she's too busy fvcking around with guys that only hurt her more. Drowning herself in alcohol so her view becomes so blurry, she won't be able to recognize my fvcking face!"

"Lana, that's not true."

"What the fvck do you know, Emma?" I grit. "Tell me, have you ever had to see your mother unconscious on the floor after a fun night out? Have you ever had to fight men off your skin on your own because your mom's too drunk or high to care about what happens to you? Ever had your mother shove a whole bottle down your throat?"

"Lana-"

I shake my head, fully aware she can't see me. "I said fvck off. I'm going to bed." I say, shutting the lights off and ignoring her further protests until I no longer see the shadow of her feet in front of my door.

Song of Chapter:

The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder.