°Trigger warning
4 years ago{freshman year}
I knew if I did this, I would never be the same. Did I care though? I was 190 pounds and a freshman. I just wanted to fit in. I was out casted, alone, I mean I didn't have anything to love for. My dad wasn't there..my mom was dead, and I was bullied. Fat, ugly, stupid, and sad. I couldn't deal with my friends shit anymore. Always having to be there for her, but when I needed her she wasn't there. I don't think that's a friend? I want to feel okay again. I bent over the toilet..and put my finger in the back of my throat. I pushed till everything I ate that day was gone. This was for the best. I don't care. Obviously Sidney the only one I trusted had bigger issues, well my issues matter to..right? Was I selfish? She even told me "you have it lucky".
I feel nothing. I slowly got up from the bathroom floor and walked to my dad's room. I got the bottle of whisky from under his bed and went to the roof. I turned on Mrs. Potato Head, and drank everything away. I needed to feel numb. Numbness won't kill the pain forever, but it will right now. I wanted to get out of this shit town.
Sadly I feel that alcohol won't make me numb tonight. I went to my bed room and pulled out two small metal razors from my bedside table. I sat it on my floor and just looked at it. One little cut could end it all, then I could be with mom. I picked it up and held it between my fingers, I brought it to my wrist...but I didn't do it. No, I couldn't do that to my dad. He already lost his wife, I was not gonna be that selfish. I hated life,god did I hate life...but I'm not gonna do this. I took another swig from the bottle and felt the burn in my throat. I thought about what if I did kill myself. Everybody at school would finally knew my name. I would finally be popular. I want to feel nothing. But if feel nothing I'm still alone. I felt mad and angry. So angry I through the bottle of whiskey against the wall and it shattered. I fell to my knees and cried. Why? Why am I fat? Why am I so stupid? Why am I selfish. Was Sidney right? Why am I alone? Why am I so unlikeable? What did I do wrong?
×××
She was in a different school during all this.
YOU ARE READING
Cooper finch
RandomA story in which a broken and naive girl falls for a boy with a troubling past and electric blue eyes. She was always thinking and well..he never thought. He was rude, she was kind. ×all we do is think about the feelings that we hide×-Halsey
