Holding On To Nothing

A Louis Tomlinson fanfiction.

XxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxXxX

"What am I to you, exactly?" My voice, shaky with everything that happened. I could feel tears streaming down my face, my eyes stung and probably swollen and red. He tried to say something, but I didn't let him. "Am I just a random fan that you've forgotten? Am I just a person you met years ago? Am I just a person who was close to you, but wasn't special enough to be remembered?"

"No!" He shouted.

"Then what am I?!" I shot back. "Tell me. Tell me what I am! Tell me what I'm doing with my life! Am I just someone? Am I just a person from your past? Am I one of those girls in the world who keeps waiting and waiting for a promise to be kept, even if I know that it will never happen?! Tell me. Tell me if it hurts you as much as it does to me! Tell me. Tell me. Am I just holding on to nothing?! Tell me!"

XxXxxXxXXxxXXXXXXXXxXxXxxxXxXxX

I woke up with a jolt.

I looked left at my clock and got up. It was 7:08 am and I have got to get ready. For what? Nothing. It was just another normal day.

I pushed myself up from the bed with a loud, unladylike yawn.

I stood up and went to the Loo. I looked at my reflection and sighed. I was a mess. Like always.

Hi, I'm Kathryn George. I'm nineteen years old and I still live in my house. Meaning, I live with my mother. I study Mass Communication at Princeton, but i didnt choose to live there since I don't want mum to be alone. It's only us two here, but back then my brother used to live with us before he decided to live in his college dorm. He studies engineering at Stanford. He's 22, by the way. People say we look alike, but we always say we don't. Though, it wasn't all true. We do have the same hair color and skin color, but I don't think that's enough to say that we look alike, is it? 

Right now, my blue eye were blood shot and my black hair was similar to a bird's nest.

I sighed again before deciding to strip off my clothes and take a shower. As I took my shower, I thought of what'a happening around/to me. In general, my life. My present, past and future.

I had no classes for the whole day today and my options of what to do with the day was either  

a.) Bond with my mother 

b.) Call Rosaline to meet me at the mall and hang out. 

c.) Wait for a letter that might never actually come.

At first, I considered bonding with my mother, but then I remembered she has something to do at work. She works in the bank and she has a high respectable place in her business, so she's keeping it up and trying very hard not to disappoint her boss, who was really really scary and very very strict.

The next option seemed to be the most fun and the most truthful to what I will do than the rest of them. 

Rosaline is my bestfriend. We've been BFF's since high school and she's also one of the reasons why I chose to study at Princeton.

The last option was a little bit exciting than you'd think it'd be.  

You see, remember when I said that I major in Mass-Com? I've also been job hunting with stuffs relating it. Like guess speaker on a radio or a student interviewer. Anything. 

I did this so I can help my mom with my tuition. Also, wouldn't it be better if have some experience before I graduate with that course? 

Anyway, I signed up and auditioned to be an interviewer. Temporarily, of course. Like a student interviewer or something like that, I'm not so sure. I didn't quite listen to the stuff the guys was saying, because I was to excited to audition.

At last, I decided on nothing. I decided visiting my brother, Keiffer at his college. He wouldn't mind.

What more to say? Oh, yeah, I'm a major directioner, though I don't show it as much as others do. 

I don't know why, though. My friends don't even know that I'm part of a fandom. I guess, I don't show it at all.  

I have friends who are Directioners too, like Cindy and Charlene (twins), but they also don't know.  

I do have an idea, but I don't know how it can affect me of not showing that I'm a fan of something. But it's just a theory. 

Maybe, because I have a history with one of them. And I'm guessing you know him.