Bite The Bullet. [a jessie j fanfiction]

CHAPTER 7: Stay.

I couldn't open the door to Jessie's dorm. I didn't know what to do. I heard sounds of sniffing and what sounded like a zip doing up. What was she doing in there? I stepped back and then flung my weight towards the door, still unable to open it. Then I realised, she'd blocked it off somehow. There was something holding the door shut. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, my voice beginning to wobble. "Jessie, please." I begged, taking a step back again. I forced myself forward onto the door, and it opened, sending me almost crashing to the floor. I steadied myself and blinked hard a few times. Jessie was standing, leaning over her bed. I heard another zipping noise and Jessie turned around, as if she hadn't noticed me before. I looked into her bloodshot eyes. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered, walking slowly towards her. I quickly wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me. She didn't hold onto me in any way, she was emotionless, empty. I rested my chin on her head and breathed in deeply. "Jessie." I whispered softly. "I love you." Almost like those words brought her to life, Jessie wrapped her arms around me, pulling me even closer. She rested her head on my shoulder and I could hear her sobbing. I couldn't hold it in much longer. I'd tried to stay strong for Jessie, I mean, I was doing nothing wrong. I kissed her head softly and felt a few tears run down my cheeks, burning them.

"I love you." I repeated, squeezing her. "I love you too." She whispered, swallowing heavily. "But you have to go." Her voice trailed off as she tried to pull away from me. Then she stopped, her face just a few centimetres from mine. I wasn't going to let her go. Not without answers, anyway. I pressed my lips onto hers. At first she didn't kiss me back. I held close though, until her soft lips began moving in a rhythm with mine. I smiled, breaking the kiss. Jessie looked up at me, fear filling her eyes. She began to tear up again. "You really have to leave." She snapped, pushing me away slightly. She turned away to resume her attention to her suitcase, but I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to face me. "Jessie," I sniffed. "Look at me, Jessie!" My voice was serious, but inside I was scared and hurting. She did as she was told, and reluctantly looked at my eyes. "The day I first met you, you told me you'd never fall in love." I paused, and slid my hand down from her wrist to her hand, entwining our fingers. "But now that I get you, I know fear is what it really was. Now here we are, so close," I took a small step closer to her. "Yet so far, haven't I passed the test? Look. When will you realise? Baby I'm not like the rest." I closed my eyes and let another tear drop. "I'm not here to break your heart." I whispered, my eyes still closed. "I love you." I breathed out. "I've only known you for a few days, but I haven't stopped thinking about you." I squeezed her hand and opened my eyes, to see her tearing up.

She snapped her hand back from mine and wiped away the tears that were trying to escape. "Well, I'm sorry I can't be what you want." She swung around and picked up her suitcase, sliding it to the floor and holding it by the handle. "Can't be what you want?!" I recited, confused. "No. You're right. You're everything I want, you are everything anybody could ever want." My voice loudened as she began to walk away from me. "Why are you being like this?" I snapped loudly, causing her to turn around and throw me a cold look. "Because I have to be like this! You won't leave me alone for one minute! I can't even sleep in my own bed tonight because you're in here! I know more people than just you! Stop watching over me like I'm some kind of kid. I'm not." Her eyes began to go red and even more bloodshot than before. "Please, don't try and call-" -"You're trying not to cry..." I was trying to figure this out. "Why are you actually doing this?" She blinked away the tears, but some of them still escaped, trickling down her cheeks. "Because. Because I don't love you, Demi. I thought I did, but I don't." -"Well why did you say-" She shook her head. "I don't know. All I know is, I have to get as far away as possible from you as I can." And with that, she turned around and began walking away, down the corridor.

I turned around, not even trying to go after her. Those words kept circling around in my mind. I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you. I flopped down on her bed and sobbed. My eyes were burning and my cheeks were flushed and hot. My breathing got louder and slower and I began to panic. I didn't think I could cope much longer. I closed my eyes and held my breath for a few seconds. I really liked Jessie. Well, I thought I did anyway. And I thought she liked me back, but obviously she didn't. It really hurt me, and I think it really hurt her too. It was like it wasn't her speaking. It was like it was somebody else. She was being told to say that, I thought. I kept my eyes closed and let the thoughts freely run through my head, until they cut off. I think I fell asleep...

I stepped into the bar for my night shift, my eyes still watery and swollen. Everything from the past hour was fuzzy to me. Jessie had really said those things. Ah, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie. Her name was almost as beautiful as she was. Pictures of her ran through my head, like I could see them in my eyes. I felt myself smile as I walked over to the wooden shelves behind the bar. I poured myself a drink of orange juice and lazily strolled back to the bar, the pictures of Jessie fading. Jessie, Jessie, Jessie. I looked around the small room, until my eyes caught a very peculiar sight. And by peculiar, I mean I felt physically sick. My vision blended into a daze.

Dylan and Jessie were kissing.

They were in the corner of the room. Standing so close, Jessie's back pressed against the wall. I watched Dylan lean into her, and she didn't even try to defend herself. She kept kissing him. I tried to go and stop it, I wanted to walk right over there and break them apart, shake Jessie hard by her shoulders. I wanted to ask her why she was being so stupid, but I couldn't move. My feet were almost glued to the floor. I struggled and tried to run away, over to the horrible couple, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Jessie and Dylan began to walk away, hand in hand, and I wanted to scream and run as much as I could, but I honestly couldn't move. I was stuck. Stuck against my will as I watched them leave... together.

My eyes shot open and my body jumped up in a flushed fury. I stood and fiddled with my hair, thinking about what had just happened. Wait... I was still in Jessie's dorm. Did it really happen? I rubbed my eyes hard and began to walk forward strongly. I had to check, even though I thought it was highly unlikely.

I glanced down at my phone as I pushed myself through the bar doors, it was 1:00am. I rummaged through the crowds and sat down at the bar, opposite Robin. "You still here?" I asked, winking. I was still pretty shaky, but I didn't want to worry Robin. I didn't want him thinking about me. "Yeah, been here since you left earlier. How are you?" -"I'm good, good. The bruising's starting already." I laughed awkwardly. "Have you seen Jessie?" I glanced over my shoulder once more at the crowd, still unable to see any sign of her. "Um, yes. She's over there." He pointed over to the far corner of the room, where I had imagined it in my dream. Well, I thought it was a dream anyway. I hoped it was. "And Dylan? He here again?" -"Yeah, he arrived earlier. I refused to serve him though. I thought about kicking him-" I cut him off by standing up and turning around. I looked over to the corner of the room and saw too familiar figures standing opposite each other. "Is that them?" I asked, pointing. "Yep, that's them. Jessie ran in with a suitcase a little while ago, no clue why, but Dylan clocked her and they started talking." I felt my cheeks grow hot, yet again. "Has anything happened?" -"Not that I know of, babe." -"Thanks." I began to walk away. Well it was more like storming away, because I sort of slammed my foot on the floor with each angry step I took. "Jessie!" I shouted, a few feet away from them. Dylan shot a hard look at me, making me flinch slightly. He smirked evilly at me and began to lean closer to Jessie. A crowd of people pushed in front of me, blocking my view.

"Jessie!" I shouted again, more desperate.

I stood still for a few seconds, hoping for a reply.

"Demi!" I heard Jessie scream. "Demi!" She screamed again, fainter this time.

"Jessie?! Where are you?" I screamed over the music that was loudening by the second.

"Jessie?! Jessie?! Jessie?!"

No answer... What was going on?