Black roses and dark dreams

Chapter 11 : I don't want to be here

I just want to apologize. I am so so so so sorry for being gone for so long. I had problems that I couldn't solve, so I couldn't concentrate on writing. Anyway, thanks for your patience, and I will try to update more often. Thank you for reading :) 

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Being in the car for a long time made me feel sick. I didn't know why, but it wasn't fun for me. It was boring, tiring and I couldn't take my eyes off the road. Because you never know when something could happen. A car could come out of no where and crash into our car. And I had no idea why, but if that happened, I wanted to see it. 

My brother was quiet. Too quiet.. we were apart for 2 years and he could at least tell me what he did. But I didn't like to push him, if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. I had so many questions though, like when did he left the streets and bought an apartment, a car and found himself enough money to live ? And was he still speaking to mom ? Or dad ? Or grandma ? 

I knew he suffered a lot when he had to leave the house, although he was grateful he had escaped the horrifying situations my dad had put him through.  And with everything that happened to me back there, I missed my mom.. a lot.  Even if what she did made me feel full of hate. 

'' What are you thinking about ? '' I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Leo, who wasn't even looking at me and I was shocked that he could figure out that I was in deep thought without even peeping a little in my direction. 

'' How do you know I was thinking ? '' I asked, confused by my amazing brother. 

'' I don't know. I guess I got to know you very well. So what are you thinking ? ''

'' Something. But you don't have to know. Stop being so goddamn curious brother. '' We both laughed together. Like old times. I couldn't say that there were no happy memories, they were a few. None of them with my parents though. Just me and my big brother, feeling better than ever. All of that, of course, when I was too little to understand what was going on in my parents's lives. 

'' How do you feel about seeing this man ? '' 

'' Well.. I didn't even meet him yet and I hate him. For what he did to Kent and Jax. Is not like I am going to love him or something. Even if he is my biological dad, he's never going to be a dad, because he didn't make an effort to love his kids and threw them all away. I have a feeling he's not gonna be happy to see me, that if he even remembers who I am. You have his address or something, right ?'' 

'' I know where he works. We're gonna find him there. '' I nodded my head and stick my eyes back on the road.

After another one hour and half of driving, we found ourselves in the beautiful, big, happy Houston. All we needed is to find that man, have a talk with him and get the fucked out of there because I was already missing Jax. 

As we got out of the car and we started walking, holding  hands, I noticed how my heart started beating faster and faster. Maybe because if this man was my father, me and Jax had to end it for good, and learn how to be brother and sister instead of girlfriend and boyfriend. I didn't know what I was going to do with the sexual tension between us or the constant temptation to kiss him. Everything was confusing and scary for me. 

Leo already knew where to take me. He knew Houston like he would have lived here before, and before I knew it, we were there. Apparently, the man worked in a huge building that had over 500 offices in it.

'' Wait. Are you sure this is it ? I mean.. this man abused his kids. He can't be working as a publicist.. in an office. '' 

'' Actually he can and he is. The man has everything he needs to be a publicist. He worked hard and studied hard. '' It didn't make any sense. What my brother was saying, was completely frustrating. His kids were good guys, with a terrifying past that followed them everywhere. Jax knew how to hide it, but Kent was depressed and suicidal and he was self-harming.