Short stories

He was still looking at the wall

'A hologram for the king' by Dane Eggers
Chapter XX. Page 153

"He was still looking at the wall."

He was still looking at the wall.
It was huge and someone had painted it in a dark shade of black.
No matter which way he looked he couldn't see the end of it. It was endless. Eternal.

It was clear that he couldn't get to the other side of it.
He had already tried to turn around and go back to where he came from, to see if there was any other way, but it just didn't feel right.
No. The fairytale like wonderland behind him wasn't the way out.
It felt to happy. To unreal. It simply didn't match his emotions at this point of his journey.
Although the depressing emotions might have been caused by the big black wall in front of him, he desperately wanted to stay.
He was confused. Just mere moments ago he would have done anything to get away. But now it was different.
Somehow he had grown attached to the wall. He didn't want to leave the now familiar feeling, that was crushing him and keeping him alive at the same time.

By now quite some time had passed since he first saw the wall and in an attempt to find a way out he started hitting the wall.
He was screaming as loud as he could, but no one heard him. No one saw the tears that were streaming down his face and no one saw the blood on his hands that was caused by his aggressive punches against the hard cement.
Slowly he sunk down the wall and the only thing he could hear, were his own soft sobs.

The sun was shining down on him hard, as if it was demanding him to be happy, as if it was wrong of him to feel like this. And although he knew deep down that it wasn't his fault, he felt guilty for failing.
With another small whimper he turned around.
He was still looking at the wall.

~•~

I wrote this in an attempt to somehow show what depression can feel like and to make it easier for other people to understand, because maybe then they can help others a little bit so they don't feel so helpless and alone with their depression.

I love you guys and I want you to know that although it feels like it a lot, you are not alone with this.

Blessed be. Laura