'I'm lucky that I met you.' (Lucky Blue Smith)

Part 6.

" Tomorrow you'll sober up and you'll remember nothing at all, " I said as I took my hands off of his neck. " Promises, decisions, nothing. " he looked at me and shook his head. I felt something really strange. It was a feeling that I had never ever felt before. I felt like I was safe. It was safe to be held by someone who you knew could take care of you.

" Just, " he whispered, " just let me, " his voice was deep and throaty, " let me make you happy, " he said like he knew I was not happy. Not really. " I swear, I will. " he was sure.

" I'm scared. " I said and sat down on the pavement.

" I know. " he said and sat down next to me and put his hand on my face. His hands were cold. Then he smiled, shook his head, like he was out of his mind and then stared at me, again. " Either am I, " he whispered, his voice sounded like an angel, I thought I was dreaming. " I know what it means to be scared of everything, everyone, Jess. For years, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, with myself. Everything that was happening around me was confusing, so confusing that I sometimes wanted to just jump and let everything be done permanently, " he swallowed a big ball that was stuck in his throat. " DONE. " he repeated, " My dad and step-mother always want to hurt people, they can't just get along with them. These two horrible people only understand each other. That's exactly why my mom died, " I looked at him and saw a really big disappointment on his face, " Sometimes, I think they are monsters. " he took a deep breath. For the first time in my life, I wanted to cry for what someone else was feeling. Lucky wasn't happy and I knew it from the beginning. 

" We are all monsters, " I said and stared at the wall which was in front of us. 

" You are not a monster, " he said. " Don't forget that. " he looked at me like he was gonna leave and never see me again. So, he stood up and looked down at me, I couldn't help it but look in his sorry eyes. " Don't. " he let go of my hand and started walking down the street, I stood up and looked at the way he was walking. 

" Hey, " I said, I felt like I wanted to hesitate, but no. I could not let this darkness in his eyes bind him. I could not let his soul become black, it was already black-ish. As he turned around, I smiled through the tears that were running down on my face. " I think, umm, " through the street lights, it was obvious how beautiful Lucky was. His eyes that were full of heartbreakable tears, his meaningless look, his hair which was flowing down on his face, his body that gave me goosebumps. He was a kind of guy who would kill you without a word, but you wouldn't ask why he did that because you enjoyed him touching you. " I think we have already sobered up, " I smiled and putmy hands in the air. He looked at me, smiled, came near me and stood in front of me. 

" And nothing has changed, " he said and put his hands around my waist, held me tight and started giggling. " I must say something, " you would never let yourself to lose the moments to look at him while laughing, because it was a beautiful thing. " I'm lucky that I met you, " he said that sentence again. He was looking down at me and playing with my cheeks helping is hands. Well, that was stupid, but we were standing in the street, hugging each other and not caring about other junk people around us. 

" Tell me what happened to your mother, " I said to him as we got in his car.

He looked at me with the same sorry eyes and started talking : " My mom had a cancer. She believed that she could make it, she prayed, hoped. One day, dad came home, telling her that he was moving to another house with some other woman, who he got to know weeks ago. That day was last time I saw my mom, last day I could see her shiny and hopeful eyes. But, I wish I couldn't have seen it. Every part of her body started turning into blue, " he stopped, wiped tears from the eyes, started looking through the window, " I wish I could save her, I wish I could keep her alive. For days. Weeks. Just to tell her how much I loved her, but I didn't have a chance to. I lost her. " he put his hand on his lips not to cry. 

" Hey, " I put my hand on his, " Sometimes, we don't have time for things to get them done, sometimes we do but we don't use it because we're scared of losing something, " he looked at me, " That's how we are, we make mistakes. We don't know how to use the time which's given to us, but in this case, nothing is your fault. You didn't want to lose her, that's why you didn't even try to make her feel anything. That is alright. Better. I am sure she would be proud of you, no matter what you're doing. " I told him and grabbed his hand. He smiled and leaned down next too me just to hug me. 

" I've never felt like I had a family after my mom died, " he whispered, " But now, I think I have one. " I looked down at him, he smiled. 

" Aren't you interested in my family? " I asked him. 

" I already know everything. Things that your family has done to you, why you left them, why you hate them. I know everything. " he said. I looked at him surprisingly, with a question mark on my face. " I looked through your diary, which you had left in my house after you and Danielle visited me for some girly thing. " he said and smiled. 

" I thought I lost that diary! " I shouted and started hitting my hands on his chest. 

" Stop being so cute. " he said and smiled.