Anarchy - Phan

Chapter 1

Trigger warning: self harm

I close my eyes as thick, red liquid trickles down my arm. I feel relief flooding through my body as I cut deeper, the blade in my hand devoured by my blood.

*

I open my laptop to my tumblr blog. It seems weird, that sharing your thoughts with random people on the internet could make you feel any better. But it's true. People on the Internet are so much more welcoming, accepting of the differences in society. People in life, however, seem to have trouble doing something as simple as holding a door open for somebody. No. In this world, it's shove or be shoved. And most people choose the prior.

This whole thing started as a way to get rid of the negative thoughts threatening to pierce through the mental cage I had trapped them in. It got to a point where ignoring it just wasn't an option anymore. Somebody needed to hear. Somebody needed to know. So I started this tumblr blog, hoping at least one person would be able to know. It is anonymous of course. Nobody can know that I, Daniel James Howell, of all people, run this blog. Considering how badly I was bullied at school, it's a surprise that any people at all take an interest in what I have to say.

But people listened. And people supported. And soon I had a community of thousands of people who followed my blog. They were friends. People who talked to me and were there when I needed to escape from life. Sometimes I had the overwhelming urge to tell everyone who I really was. But then I remembered the past. About how I silently promised myself two years ago that I would never fully trust anyone again. It's just how it was. You could never trust anyone fully for the fear of betrayal. And I wish it wasn't like that.

But it is.