: I finished writing this in the middle of traffic and I am no way an expert writer. It's just a hobby!
I was only made out of two cells. I gently nestled in your womb as I was too tiny to say "hello!".
I miraculously replicated and created a million more cells so I could give you warm hugs. By the first month, I could hear the sound of your heartbeat—it kept me alive, it became my favorite lullaby.
The next month, you found out about me. I was very happy to let you know that you're not alone now and that you got me.
On the third month, I had my own heart beating at the same pace as yours, and I could already mimic your breathing pattern to make us alive. But wait! Just a moment ago, I heard something else, Is that you mom? I could hear your voice, you sound so beautiful. The next few days, I heard you singing to me. I felt so loved mom.
After a week, I heard another voice, is that Dad? But your voice sounded loud, it's like you were shouting. I couldn't understand but your heart was beating extra fast, I couldn't keep up to it. You're shaking too. What's wrong mom? I wish I am big enough to console you. Don't worry, I'll do when I come out from here!
Two weeks has passed and it seems you are taking medicines. Are those vitamins to keep me strong mom? But wait, something hurt, the meds you just took is bad for me! Stop taking it mom! Stop, please Mom. Stop.
Another week has past, you are still taking those medicines that hurt. I feel you changing. Are we going out? Are you finally going to the doctor to change the tablets you took? Yeay! I was excited to be pain free but the next thing I felt was strange. Someone or something is poking me. It is not yet time for me to come out, I still have to grow some more tissues and bones before seeing the world. Make them stop mom, I am hurt. They are going to get rid of me!
You allowed this. You allowed them to do this? I loved you so much from the moment I was a little cell, up to when I could your voice. You told me you love me too, right? But what is this? You are getting rid of me. You didn't give me a chance to caress your cheeks, give you a warm comforting hug, and plant lots of wet kisses on you. I am sad. I am hurt. I am devastated. I thought you got me as I got you. There was a blinding light then I couldn't hear you anymore.
Years has passed. I was supposed to be a three-year old little girl already, if that tragic day didn't happen. I'm now a little ghost, wandering. I see little girls who hangout with their mom and I still cry, because I longed to hangout with my own, but she seem to not like the idea of that. I still hear her voice, calling me, saying sorry. Telling me to make her feel my presence but I never tried to come close to her again.
Until this very day.
I heard her again. She again apologized for what she did to me. Telling me she had to do it but if only she had it her way, she would keep me. She told me, now she was graduating from the university and she graduated as part of the honor roll. But her success isn't what made me come to her again and make her feel me.
She told me that I was the reason why she is successful now. That I was her angel. That even though she made mistakes in her life, she would cherish the few months she had with me. That even if she didn't see me, she feels like I was with her all throughout her hardships. That the idea of once having her still made her strong.
As she walked on the aisle to get her diploma, she didn't know, I was clinging on to her. I gave her a little hug I once wanted to give. I kissed her because she deserved it.
She is still my momma. Even if she hurt me and disappointed me, I still love her. Maybe what happened is for the both of us. Maybe I am meant to be her angel, looking at her from above and her being successful and happy in her world.
When she sat back to her chair, she looked up, and said "I love you." I quickly rambled to her lap, hugged her, and said, "I love you too, Mom. I still do."
> KATHYY! Kailan pa to? Ang tagal naaaa! Ngayon lang ako nag ka courage mag post. This is no way up to the caliber where you are writing. Super trying hard lang ako. Feeling ko ang cheesy. Hope this makes you smile! Love youuuu!
: I am not in favor of abortion but I believe in owning up to your choices. A child is a blessing whether he is unplanned or not, but we humans have our own set of nerves to make choices that make us sleep at night. We do make mistakes but we also learn lessons from them. 😘💕
