ease » antoine griezmann

six

MARIE IS SITTING CROSS LEGGED ON THE KITCHEN ISLAND. Antoine is standing before her, looking down at his shoes and trying to not make eye contact with his best friend.

They had arrived her house 30 minutes ago in a terrifying silence that's making Marie's heart go wild. Antoine has red eyes from crying and Marie has absolutely no idea of what happened and she has never felt more helpless in her life.

"Come on Antoine, you can tell me anything. I'll be here for you. Always" Marie promises, almost on a plea.

"I have no idea of how I should start this..." Antoine begins, so quiet Marie almost didn't heard him. "I could start by saying that my problems are mine on only mine, no one has to fight them for me, that's why I keep them buried deep in the ground. Perhaps I could say I am ashamed of my condition, I mean, how could a footballer have a mental disorder? We are supposed to be role models, people should look up to us. We should inspire people to have healthier lifestyles to achieve their dreams. And I failed them.

Or I could say I just like to keep things clean. Whichever was the case, it all takes us to the same place.

It started when I was 17, back in Anoeta. I was sent to the team's shrink after an incident in which I missed a few practices. The therapist was an old man, he was very serious and stoic but he seemed wise. He gave me a diagnosis after a month or so of being on interviews. I read somewhere a diagnosis shouldn't take that long, but I guess he was trying to be sure of his theory.

The Real Sociedad therapist got in contact with the one of Atletico a few days before I left and explained him my case, so by the time I got to Madrid I already had a session with the a new therapist. I was more comfortable with him than the first one, he was younger and he wasn't as stoic. Also the way he worked was different than the other guy. I had been on therapy for years but I achieved more in two months at Madrid than I ever did in Anoeta."

Marie is lost at words. Millions of thoughts running wild through her mind. Her best friend, the love of her life has a mental disorder since 17 and she never realized. She never saw anything to worry, she saw him turn into a disciplined and responsible football star, into a true gentleman and into the most gorgeous man she has ever seen. And he had gone through it alone.

"Have you ever had a song stuck on your head? And no matter what you do, it can't go away?" Antoine asks Marie in a very small, tired voice.

"Of course" Marie answers looking at him.

"That's what OCD is like" Antoine states and Marie feels her heart stop a beat. "It's like a lot of thought's, images, numbers, words stuck on your head for a really long time. But that's only half of the sickness. You also have compulsions, you can choose to clean, you can choose to draw, and you can choose solving math problems. Cleaning is my song."

"You are a wonderful person Antoine, don't you forget that. You are stronger than you think. Going through this alone, I can't even imagine how lonely it must have been." Marie says after a long silence that Antoine felt like years.

"You are not mad I kept it from you?" Antoine asks, finally making eye contact with the brunette.

"Oh, I am pissed Griezmann," Marie glares at him "If you don't have the confidence in me to talk about this things, it's ok. But you should've told Keith, Pete or the girls. A teammate. Someone on the team. A stranger on a bar. Anyone Antoine, no one deserves to go through this alone."

"It's not that I don't have confidence in you Marie. And this conversation is the proof, you are the first person outside sessions to know about this. It's just I didn't want to worry you or anyone else. And it's not like I am 100 % alone. I do have a therapist, you know."

Marie sighs as she takes his hands in hers "I know Antoine. But you need to understand, all of your therapist work will go to waste if you forget everything he says the moment you step out the door and remember it the next session. You need to work at home too, and even if it's mostly your work, you need friends to be there for you."

Marie starts to tear up a bit and the sight breaks Antoine's heart a little. "We live on the same city Antoine, I could've gone to your apartment a few times and help you by cooking food you could reheat for the next few days while you cached up on some sleep or keeping you company after an episode, even being there to help stop one. I could had driven you to your sessions and stayed outside waiting for you. I could've done a lot of things for you Antoine, you shouldn't had gone through this alone. That's what friends are for."

"I know Marie. I know you and the rest of the 4 will always be there for me. But this is my fight. This are ghost and demons inside my head. They haunt me every day and night and only I can fight them. If I didn't told anyone it was because I did not understood what was going on. For me, the mantras, the rituals of washing my hands excessively, the repetitive thoughts and need to check up on things, everything was normal.

I knew some of it was crazy, like moping the floor at all time, worried of my football shoes leaving dirt all over it. I knew the dirt on them was long gone by the time I got to the apartment. I knew they were on my training bag and they would not touch the floor, that they won't get it dirty and I still felt the need. But it was never something I thought was out of the normal."

By the time Antoine finishes both of them are quietly crying. Marie pulls him closer to her and hugs him. Antoine is surprised by it but leans into her a few seconds later. Marie starts playing with the hair on the back of Antoine's neck as she takes heavy breathes to control herself as she need to be the strong one in this moment.