How long has it been
Minutes, hours
No, it's been days.
Days since I last heard from you.
How can you tell me I'm want you want and then leave me?
That kiss
did it mean anything to you?
I reached out to my friend,
to the boy I knew and cared for.
You saw my words,
heard my plea for us to be normal again.
Silence is all I received.
If hate is when you see a child hurt by someone they trust
when a good person receives nothing but dark and evil in return
when someone hurts you so deeply you wish to hurt them
I would challenge
that
how you made me feel about myself
should also be on that list.
I was too much
I cared too much
and laughed too hard
I must have smothered your own energy with my own;
I hate when I do that.
I hate myself
look what I have done.
Months
Months of silence and self loathing
Acceptance I cannot fix it
Closure in one last message
and revival in the morning when I choose
to let the idea of you and me go.
And now you answer after months
I should be angry
I should be hurt
I feel grateful
How I've missed you.
I wouldn't ruin this a second time.
What did you want?
More than friendship
but not too much more.
Yes, I want that too then.
As layers of clothing disappeared,
so did my value.
Who was I now?
What did I want?
You?
I wanted anything you wanted in order to keep you around
You were my sun,
and I thought,
being blinded was beautiful
because how many people have danced with the sun and lived to tell the story?
I wanted to be the only one that mattered.
I sacrificed all I had
trying to hold onto your beauty
while I forgot my own.
I found no fault in that because
I was rewarded with your attention,
when you felt like giving it.
I craved it and I soon forgot what we used to be.
Innocent.
Friends.
Unafraid.
Uncomplicated.
Uncompromising.
My broken heart finally surfaced when I told you
I had lost the child we had made.
Never was it a thought in my mind that a child would come into the picture.
But she did.
And the second I put her life before my own
I saw the fire and ice that you were.
