Phan Oneshots {songfics & short stories}

A/N 2

ugh im sorry guys
for the lack of updates and shit

BUT I DO HAVE A SPECIAL THING (or two) COMING SOON FOR THIS BOOK HUEHUE

keep reading for my list of excuses

story updates:
i want to update part two of the most recent oneshot, which will be called "Emperors New Clothes" instead of "Let Me Go {part 2}". it's not a songfic though. there are a few of those in the making as well
then i have another already finished..here imma tell you the titles and you comment which you want next after the part two. no info about them, just titles. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) so if you pick a really sad one it's your fault don't blame me, or a smutty one then aye, or..yeah.

Blue Velvet (songfic not for the lana song sorry)

I Hate You

Insomnia

Mirrors

Random Story Generator (i filled in the words)

Snow

Take Me To Church (songfic)

Thunderstorms

Unexpected

yes it was also in abc order mwahaha

i'm v excited for 4 of those, bUt WhIcH hAHAHAHA

~ TAKE YOUR PICK ~

i also have an edits/covers book up! go look pls am taking requests for both

and a youtube channel! pls go check that out as well, the link is in my bio, and here go now yay

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD48foBGQha_7GIsSIQpzIg

#spon

life updates:
this is after the story bc sadly people don't care about others personal lives .-. although Wattpad seems to be understanding idk
this past month or so has been really stressful and hectic.
my parents are getting a divorce, which doesn't really bother me. it's been a long time coming tbh.
but yeah that's a thing
so i'm currently living at home with my dad which is odd bc i was originally supposed to move to my grandma's with my mum, but i didn't really have a room or anything for me so..
i've been dealing with my dads drunk nights and his outbursts and hitting the wall and throwing things, his hat, beer cans down, not breakable things. earlier last march (2016) he hit the bed headboard in his bedroom and it knocked a picture off the living room wall. he also got really angry one day and took a walk for like an hour and left his phone. after he left i thought i was having an anxiety/panic attack but some friends off instagram (thanks gigi and audrey and havana) helped and i didn't want him to come home and see me that way.

i ended up calling my grandparents after asking my mum what to do.

the other night i caught him smoking again, which idk if it's the first time he's done it since december 30th, when he had his heart attack, but yeah. i heard his truck door shut and he was already drunk so i checked to make sure he wasn't driving and he kinda hid his hand and i just knew bc another night a few days before he told me he had cigarettes in his truck and i looked out the curtain and he was taking a drag (lack of better description oops) and i was like "are you kidding me? really?" and he said "yes really!" so i locked the storm door, but he had his keys so he came inside. i was on my computer so i basically ignored him but he kept trying to get me to come outside and he said "it could change me come on" and he let me destroy his 6 cigarettes. i did and left them on the little wall outside, didn't say anything and came back inside on my computer.

the odd thing was like two nights before that i had a dream he was trying to smoke again and had them in the kitchen and i was trying to take them from me aND I FUCKING WOKE UP CRYING AND TOLD HIM ABOUT IT

the next day he said he owed me an apology and also said he was going to stop drinking. he hasn't but he's cut back to about 2-3 a night again. although he went to dinner with a cousin/mums cousin last friday (4-22-16) and was drunk-ish, just obnoxious.
anyway, sorry about that.

i'm in college and currently failing math, and i already failed the easiest chem class (that i know of) at my university so yay me.

i also might fail biology, or at least end up with a D.
why?

i don't fucking know.
i really don't.
in high school. my GPA never dropped below a 3.5, or even a 3.7. now it's a 2.4.
and because of this, i'm going to lose my scholarship(s).

i just can't find any motivation to study or anything. it's terrible.

and i have to take trig (which i'm in now and failing), calculus, and stats for no reason. literally. we know a few people in the forensics (my major) department and one said you literally don't use any of that. like what the fuck why do i have to take it. fuck.

my friend suggested i'm doing bad bc of all the pressure of everything going on atm. my mum also mentioned it about my chem class, bc she and my grandma are the only ones that know. i haven't told my dad yet oops.

i feel like my best friends of like 5-6 years just don't care anymore. i've talked about it in my rants book feel free to go check that out cheeky #spon
if you two manage to see this hello sorry i love you you know that

it just hurts because i feel like you guys don't care about what i say anymore and you never answer half the time and i feel like my problems are just too stupid and minuscule to talk to you guys about anymore i'm sorry i feel like i annoy you and you hate me and just bye

i'm struggling with my sexuality. i know i'm straight, but it's more of how i feel towards the person. if anybody has an explanation please, please, explain it to me. basically half the time when i'm with a guy, i feel like i really like them and enjoy the company and want to do stuff with them. but the other half i'm afraid to kiss them, don't even enjoy getting hugs or cuddling, and don't even want to hang out with them. long story short.

i'd also like to (this will sound odd but) be like... in phanfics and stuff just be able to do the stuff and not worry about it, etc. but i feel like i'll always be afraid and stuff. am i just scared?

for a while i was wondering if i was asexual but i don't think that's it. maybe aromantic, or..i don't know somebody please help me.

i feel myself slipping back into how i used to be. saying sorry for everything, being more quiet, thinking i'm always annoying, and just not talking to anyone because of that.

will i ever grow out of that? oh god.

please help me.

this is all literally taking such a toll on me and i can't help it please somebody help. please.

that's all for now! thanks for reading if you read this far ily have a good day you're amazing and appreciated don't forget that <3