Choices and Even More Choices.

Keep Holding On

              After the accident, I kept receiving phone calls all day but I didn't have the nerve to answer all those calls or even call back. I just wanted to die. I just wish I could just see them one more time to say goodbye. But all I know is that won't happen anytime soon if I continue to live. I heard a knock at the door, as I was still on the floor on my knees crying with this knife in my hand. I put the knife back and, I try to pick myself up to go get the door to see who it was. As I picked myself up I still had those thoughts of ending my life. I opened the door and it was an old ex-boyfriend of mine, I haven't talked to after high school when we broke up. I guess he wanted to visit me because he felt that bad for me but I had a strange feeling about it. 

"Um, why are you here Drake?" I asked, giving him an awkward smile.

"I came to stop by to see how you were doing after that horrible accident that happened this morning." Said Drake. "May I come in?" he asked.

I said, "Go right on in." I still had a strange feeling about him that it made me wonder why he all of a sudden decided to visit me. 

         He makes his way to living room and sit on the couch. I offer him a drink or anything he didn't want anything. He looked in my eyes filled with curiosity and something I just couldn't seem to explain. He finally decided to talk, trying to not make it so awkward.

"So.. how are you after what happened? which by the way I am sorry for your lost." Said Drake.

I tried to smile and said, "Don't be sorry at all I'm fine I guess, I'm just trying to get myself together before I do something stupid."

He looked at me crazy and he asked, "Something stupid?" 

I couldn't seem to get the words out because I didn't seem to want to tell anything about it.

"You can trust me Lonnie, like you use to do." Said Drake.

"Ever since I got that phone call from the cops about the car accident, I just couldn't believe it I tried to make myself to think it was a dream but I knew it wasn't. So I was about to grab the knife and cut my wrists really bad just to die. I Just don't know what to do anymore, I don't even want to live anymore without the people who I loved and who where my life."

He looked at me with a blank stare for about two minutes and decided to finally speak. 

"Remember those time when you were happy with me? We use to go out all the time on dates.. Even though we had our ups and downs over those past months in high school. I thought you were the one for me and only me then you decided to marry that goofball Eric who I knew wasn't the one for you. Listen I still love you after all the crap you have given me and now I will be the man you ever wanted and needed without Eric."

I knew something strange was up but didn't seem to put my finger on it. The next thing you know Drake starts to touch me and tries to kiss me. I quickly snapped at him to stop it. I did not want to this weirdo in my house any longer.

I slapped him and said, "Get out of my house now! and get out of my life! You have no right to enter my house and touch me!" 

He looks at me and says, "Shut up and kiss me now! You know you want to and you know you need me in your life again, after Eric took you away from me!" 

I quickly run to go a gun, as he quickly chases me. 

I look at him as I hold this gun to defend myself, I point the gun to him and say, "Don't make me shoot you, if you go near me again you pervert."

He looks at me and slowly walks away to the door with his hands wide in the air. He looks at me with a very evil look and says, "This isn't over and you obviously need help because you are messed up in the head. Go to a therapist you whore!" He opens the door and runs as fast as he could before I could even speak.

           He was right.. I did need help and a therapist. I was a mess at this point. I need someone to talk to before I go even more crazy. These thoughts that I hear in my head was not helping at all. The thoughts of killing myself was in my head. What if I never get better? What if I go crazy? I knew I needed help. I knew he was right about me needing a therapist and that was what I am going for now before it's too late.