The Silence (Jack Barakat fanfiction)

Burning in the Skies

Chapter 12

We sat for a while, watching the TV, but I started to get bored. If I was back home, I'd be doing something like sitting on my bed and reading All Time Low fanfiction. I can't very well read one while I'm living in one [FOURTH WALL BREAK LOL] I looked to my left, and Marie was mindlessly watching the television, with Zack sitting on the floor in front of her. Alex was next to me and Rian was in the chair to my right. I didn't know where Jack was, but I felt myself wanting to know. I wish he'd actually like me.

"So what're the plans tonight, Alex?" I asked him. He shifted in his spot, not letting his eyes leave the screen. I'm not even paying attention to what we're watching. 

"I don't know, Jack wants to go out again, but I don't know how you guys would react to that, especially after what happened last night."

"I can try and go out again, the only reason I got like that was because there was so many people in there."

"There's always going to be that many people in there, Lizzy," Alex told me with a symapthetic smile. "Things are different on the East Coast."

"We're not going out again," Marie spoke up.

"Why not?" I pouted.

"You're not ready," she shook her head. 

"Who says I need to be ready?"

"I do."

I let out a sigh and stared at the screen in front of me. If they keep this up and continue telling me how worthless I am I'm going to start crying and I refuse to cry again in front of Alex. 

"Maybe we could do something else," Zack suggested.

"I'm hanging out with Cass today, sorry guys," Rian spoke. "I just came to drop off your stuff, and then I gotta head back over."

"What if Jack doesn't want to do something else?" I chimed in.

"Fuck what Jack things, we'll do what we want," Alex spoke. I swore I felt him scooting closer to me. "So what are we going to do?"

"I thought you had that covered."

Alex shrugged, smiling at me. His brown eyes scanned my face, and I couldn't help but feel my cheeks tint red. What was he doing to me, this was meant to be between me and Jack, but Alex was just complicating things. Maybe I just shouldn't go out. 

"Actually, I'm not really feeling up to anything, I'm really tired. I'm going to go to sleep." I stood up, making my way towards my room. I wanted to change into my clothes, but at the same time, Alex's were so much more comfortable.

"You just woke up," Maria pointed out. 

"And now I'm going back," I snapped. As I walked back to my room, I heard chatting behind me, but I did my best to block it out. No one wants someone like me to hangout with them anyway. Who decided it was a good idea to bring the girl with the mental illness along? 

When I made it to the room, I laid down on the ground. I couldn't even find it in me to make it all the way to the bed. I heard a knock at my door and I groaned and turned the other way. "Go away, I'm sleeping."

"You don't sound like you're sleeping." It wasn't Alex's voice like I expected. Instead it was one I was sure I could never forget. "Let me in, Liz."

I fucking hated it when people called me Liz. "The door's unlocked, genius." He walked in, and saw me lying there on the ground. 

"Having fun?"

"Lots."

"Look, Alex thinks that I was mean to you and wants me to apologize, so I'm here to do just that."

"Fine, I accept your apology. You can go now."

"What's wrong, Lizzie?"

"It's fine, Jack. I'm fine, just leave me alone."

"You don't look fine."

"Just go away!" I snapped at him. I didn't mean to be a bitch, but when I'm in moods like these, I get that way, hence why I want to be left alone.

"Look, everyone has days like these where all they want to do is lie down and never get back up. But sometimes you just have to push through it."

"Jack, it's not the same for me. It's not 'some days.' It's literally weeks on end where I'm in this endless slump of despair. I'll never have a life where I'm comfortably happy all the time. There will never be a moment in time where I can just look at everything around me, and finally understand that I'm fine. Because I never will be."

"You're so fucking conceited." Jack started to laugh at me, and I sat up to look at him. He was standing, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. There's never been a moment that he's ever looked hotter, and he's using it to roast me. "You're so fucking selfish, do you think it's all about you? Are you really that stupid to see that I'm apologizing to you, for you? No, I'm apologizing for my best friend Alex because I care what he thinks about me. I couldn't give two fucks about you. You're not special, Lizzie. You never will be. All you are is just a worthless washed up would've been but never had the courage to be. You're blaming this depression on your dead ex boyfriend, when this is all your fault. If you don't start taking control of your life, someone else is going to. And you'll be trapped again. Get over yourself, Lizzie."

He left after that, and I sat, motionless. He just told me everything I needed to hear, and nothing I wanted confirmed in the span of like, two minutes. As he closed the door, I let his words sink in, and laid back down. 

My life has come to the point where I'm hanging out in the house of my favorite band. One of them tolerates me, the other two are okay, and the one I'm in love with hates me, and thinks I'm the most selfish person in the world. This is great, I've always wanted to be hated by the one person who saved me from myself. 

I let the tears fall from my eyes, finding no energy to hold them back. Tomorrow, I'm leaving, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.