Like I'm gonna lose you (Clawen)

Scarred

OWEN'S POV

It's so stupid really. Claire and I argue all the time. There are endless petty fights. Normally we give each other the silent treatment; so childish. We know how ridiculous it must seem but we're just too stubborn. By the end of the day one of us usually caves in and we either laugh it off or never bring the subject up again.

Right now, I think we're just stressed. Claire needs everything to go perfect for the wedding. I also want everything to go well, for Claire and I. I mean this is suppose to be the best day of our lives. I should really apologise properly. However I find it extremely difficult to swallow my pride but I could do it for Claire.

I sighed as I threw my gym bag next to treadmill. There was only a few people in the gym. There were a couple of guys on the weights and on various other equipment. I knew a long run would relieve me of my stress, in preparation for a heart felt apology. I slowly upped the speed of the treadmill after putting on my headphones.

I've always loved running; being alone with my thoughts, was always nice once in a while. I only run long distances now. Since Jurassic World, sprinting gives me some slight PTSD. It's nothing really, expect for the fact that sometimes I actually think I'm running from a dinosaur. It's only occurred a few times as I avoid sprinting as much as possible.

Thinking about it now, Jurassic World effected all of us badly. Just because we escaped without any major physical scars, it doesn't mean we left without any major psychological scars. I never felt fear like I had felt on that island. Sprinting out of that paddock. The thought alone made me feel weak at the knees. Sometimes I don't know how I managed to out run the dinosaur.
Zach couldn't go swimming for months on ends, he couldn't bath or shower for the first two weeks after incident. He had to go through a lot of counselling, and thankfully Karen says he's now his old self.

Gray was much worst. He would have a panic attacks if he encountered anything that remotely reminded him of horrific events. Somethings brought on worst attacks but the strange thing was; Gray still adored dinosaurs. He had to have counselling for nearly a year, he went through everything from trembling to nightmares.
Claire was effected terribly, I begged her to go counselling like boys. She persistently said no, partly because I refused to go. Sometimes I wonder if I should of gone. Claire mainly owned heels, after the island she forced herself to wear them. I could tell that they brought on her PTSD, they made her extremely anxious and paranoid. I confronted her about it once or twice but she just dismissed me. I guess Claire just got used to them and managed to block out the heels' association with the island.

The heels were nothing, they were merely a phase compared to her nightmares. Her cries and screams were relentless. To start with, I would hold her tightly as fell back to sleep but that only helped for a few weeks. Claire was hysterical at night and acted so casual during the day. One night it was so bad. It was awful, I remember it so clearly.

"Claire?", I spoke softly as I noticed her stirring. She was mumbling in her sleep again. I was pretty convinced she was having an 'episode'. Claire called them nightmares but we both knew it PTSD. "Owen", I began to hear what Claire was saying. I sat up and peered at her through the dark. She was still asleep. Claire's soft lips were slightly parted and her wavy hair tumbled from her head to her pillow. I continued to watch her cautiously; sometimes Claire would wake up crying or sleep through the distraught memories.

It just after 2 in the morning and I felt my eyelids drooping. "Nooo", Claire screamed making me snap my eyes open wide. "Claire, wake up babe", I said whilst nudging her lightly. I jumped as Claire began struggling against the duvet. She screamed the boys' names with tears seeping out of her eyes. "Claire!", I raised my voice in an attempt to wake her again. I gently held her arms back trying to calm her down. Claire just fought back harder and continued to scream.

I shouted her name repeatedly trying to wake her up. Claire began kicking her legs as if she was running or something. "Claire! Wake up!", I spoke loudly. I shook her again and again. She wasn't responding to my voice or my touch. I screamed her name in a desperate attempt. This had been going on for 10 minutes, way longer than it should be. I yelled trying to get her to hear me. It was frightening me how she wouldn't wake up.

"Owen", Claire finally gasped as she sat up right. I sighed in relief and waited for Claire to calm herself down. "Claire you have to go therapy. This has gone on long enough", I said as we parted from our hug. "No I don't", she snapped at me. "You don't get any sleep. And when you do it's not for long as you have a nightmare", I argued. "It's fine! I drink coffee!", Claire defended. "That's not good enough!", I replied.
We argued like this for a further 10 minutes. We screamed at each other as I threatened to call Karen. Claire hated burdening Karen with her broken shards from Jurassic World but nearly always took her advice.

We had tired ourselves out to the point of exhaustion, that both of us had water streaming from our eyes. Although I hated arguing with Claire, at least it had distracted her from the nightmare. I left Claire in our room as I went the guest bed. We both needed time to cool off and to sleep. It wasn't long before I sprinted back to our room. Claire had let out a piercing scream. I got back in bed with her as we tried to make the most out of the little time we had left to sleep.

I knew the both of us were starting to get dangerously low on sleep. I insisted for Claire to get some sort of therapy. It worried me that we didn't get enough sleep and that Claire was as emotionally damaged as she was. We were all scarred for life.

Claire stubbornly avoided therapy and claimed stronger coffee would solve the sleep lost. After a while the nightmares got less and less. I don't know what happened, I dared not to ask. I questioned whether she started therapy, but Claire always skilfully dodged the question. Therapy was the only logical conclusion for her unexplained meetings in the middle of work. I had to abandon asking because I knew Claire would never admit it. I'm just glad the nightmares went, I think they scared me nearly as much as they scared her.

Claire had it rough, the aftermath of Jurassic World was piled on to her. Not to mention Aquatic World. It wasn't fair on her. I often blamed myself for not being as supportive as I should have been. Sometimes I talk through my a$$, not realising that I'm causing pain. Every now and then, I still ponder on why Claire even agreed to marry me. I didn't deserve her.

I listened to one more song before getting off the treadmill. I took a quick swig of my drink before chucking it at my bag. I heard a clunk. I was confused and decided to search my bag. As far I remember the only thing in my gym bag was my towel. In my bag I found a small, navy blue box tied with a piece of ribbon that was a slightly lighter shade of blue. Something blue. Oh crap. I was supposed to have already given this to Claire by now. Inside the box was a necklace. It was a thin piece of silver in a shape of a heart. In the top right corner, lining the arch, there were 3 sapphires that gradually got smaller and I had gotten it engraved on the back. For Survival.

A/N: Hey guys! I updated😊 I think this is longer than usual as well☺️ I keep watching Jurassic World cause that's what I do when I'm stressed. I thought after my exams, I would have more writing time. Wrong. School keeps stressing me out with athletics. They keep calling my Mum about crap cause I'm boycotting the next event cause they kicked me out of training for no good reason. So yeah small rant over. I hoped you liked it and I'll try to update soon
Ciao🌺 Livv