I'm More Than Just Skirts

More Than Just Skirts

I've been holding the knob for about ten minutes now. Should I just enter like before? Or should I knock first? It's funny how one simple word can change everything. One month ago, I call this place home. Now, I don't even know if I ever belonged here.

The wind blows through my still wet hair. I didn't bother to dry it before coming here. If I did, I might have lost the courage to come here even before my long hair dried up.

Right after I woke up today, I felt it's time I talk to my family.
Explain things I doubt any of my family will understand or listen to. But I thought I should try. Maybe if I show Mom my medal, she'll understand.
But if not, at least I knew I tried. Again.

My hand is wet with cold sweat. I let go of the knob.

They already kicked me out. I already explained. What else should I say to them? Coming here is not a good idea. I turn around. Yes, it's useless. I should go. Just wait for them to call me. I stare at the steps and hesitate. Will they ever call me?

Before I could take a step, the door squeaked.

"Why are you here?" Like a kid caught getting cookies in the jar, I slowly turn around, ready to explain. But my sister gives me her famous glare that could make anyone melt. I try not to look away.

All my life, I was the little one. I used to think it was because of the order of birth. Even if I'm taller than my sister --- which she hates --- she always has a way of making me feel small. I'm the youngest and used to be the shortest, so I'm under them. But not today.

It's time I stand up. It's what I've been doing this past month anyway.

If things still don't go well with my family, I'm not coming back here.

I meet her glaring eyes, challenging her.

"Is Mom ---"

"Who is that?" I hear Mom's voice from the kitchen.

"It's just some filthy cat of the neighbor." Loren shouts back. I walk pass her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm gonna talk to Mom."

"You brought shame to our family and you come back here thinking you're still welcome?" She snorts. "I'm not sure if you're shameless or just plain stupid. Well, I bet you're both. You've managed without us, we can without you too." She pulls the door.

"Loren, please. I know you don't respect me. But you don't have to talk to me either. I'm just here for Mom and I won't come back again if that's what you want. Just get out of the way."

"Mom doesn't want to talk to you."

"Then I'm gonna hear it from her. Now get your damn ass out my way!" I yelled.

"Wow, my little brother got some balls now. How ironic you got them only when you don't need them." She laughs. "Are you also planning to cut it down there? Like dressing up like you are now is not enough to put us all to shame!"

I ball my fists.

"What? You punch girls now too? You want to pull my hair, right, like a girl? It makes me wonder how good you are at pulling guys."

My fist landed on Loren's upper lip. She falls down to the floor, her hair covers her face when she landed. She flicks her hair and glares at me. I'm almost surprised it doesn't do what it did to me moments ago.

I'm too angry to be scared.

Blood smears on her chick. Seeing Loren's big eyes makes me more mad at her. At my family. At myself for being the way I am.