Story Of Another Me

WTF means what the fuck

I have a latin test tomorrow. I will not survive. I don't know anything. I have no idea what the actual hell „clamorum" means. And to be honest I don't give a fuck about what it means. I mean why do I have to learn that. I wish I would've stood up against my father at the beginn of the schoolyear. Then I would do french or italian instead of latin. But no, of course I didn't. Why am I so fear- driven? I don't understand it.

What I also don't understand is when someone asks me if I studied a lot for latin and I say „a bit but I'm still not really good at it", why do they always say „oh no don't say that I'm sure you are". Like wtf why do you say that when I say I'm sure that I will fail latin than I mean it. I mean I had to study, or at least tried to, but I just couldn't. Why do you think you know how my brain works? I know you probably just want to be nice but please, just..... no.

I wasn't able to sit at my desk and study simply because there's so much other stuff going around in my head. I'm thinking about my depression, about the antideppresant, and how they don't work, about that I just want to die and that I don't understand what's the sense of living. Let's be honest there's no sense, we are like these flies that just live for one day so they can breed new flies. I think a lot of people don't understand that we are just animals that are on this earth to breed. There's no other meaning. We are born, go to school, go to college an then look for a job. Then we get married and have children. There's just no sense. Like what's so great about school or college or having children. What's so great about living.

Yours sincerely,

Casta