Patches

1.

Seeing the first bald patch along my parting didn't make me worry, not even when the patches became more frequent; I still didn't start worrying when I noticed more strands of hair falling out with every stroke of my hairbrush.

I started to worry when I realised I didn't have enough to brush anymore, enough to style, enough to even bother washing. That's when I started to realise what was happening was real - and there was nothing I could do.

People would tell me that 'it's only hair' or say 'at least you haven't got to worry about greasy hair anymore'. Except to me it wasn't about that, I felt like I wasn't just losing my hair: my confidence was fading away at the same time.

Being a teenager, I enjoyed doing my hair: brushing it the second I saw it had a few tangles and blitzing it silly with hairspray. To face the realisation that this wasn't something I could do anymore made the whole situation seem miserable and life changing.

It became an extra worry, they say 'it's only hair', but you have to start thinking of what to explain to people, whether boys will still talk to you. You have to live with the stress, patiently wondering if it will ever grow back, if it will ever return to how it used to be.

Alopecia wasn't a word that I was familiar with, to be honest, I didn't even know what it was. However, after finally researching my hair loss it became quite clear that the term would become my best friend.

It's hard to put it into words, in fact, this is the first time I've ever tried. Hair loss is not something that's easy, it's not something I'd like to wish on anyone. However it does happen and we can't stop that. I think the more people that are aware - the easier it makes life for those suffering.

I never thought at 17 I would have to sit in a chair and choose a wig for myself. I never thought I would have to explain to my friends that I will lose my hair and that I wasn't sure if it would ever grow back. I managed it though, something I am still proud of now. I didn't hide inside and I didn't feel ashamed. None of this was my fault, and that really kept me going on strong. I didn't ask for it to happen, so why should I have to hide it and put my life on hold?

It's only now, after five months, that my hair has finally started to grow back. Whether it will stay like this, I don't know. All I know is that I need to try and stay positive and ensure that I carry on living life. I need to remember that none of this is my fault, if I don't want to tell people - I don't have to, and I think that's very important.