Everything on the farm was fine and dandy until the day came that I was born.
It was an early October morning and farmer Joe had just come out to the barn to do some milking before breakfast when he noticed that my mother, Moolinda, was in great pain. Then all of the sudden, I popped out of her booty hole. She didn't want a child so she then tried to kill me by stepping on my face to crush my skull but somehow, by the grace of Satan, I didn't die. So she named me Carl because it's a very bad-ass name.
After my birth, everything on the farm was completely insane. All of the other cows were worried about my mother because she actually HATED me. All of the pigs would just sit there staring at me, while the chickens were running around like they got their heads chopped off.
I had caused complete destruction.
