Crazy

This fucking feeling

I hate this feeling, the one where I feel crazy... They tell me its normal for someone in my situation, for someone with my upbringing. They don't fucking know half if it though. They don't know that I can hardly ever sleep and when I can sleep I don't let myself. They know that sometimes I don't let myself but they think it happens once a month not 4 times a week. They think that its because of the nightmares not because of the fact that since I quit cutting I feel the need to punish myself in some way. They don't know about my fear of the dark, how if I can't see I have panic attacks coz I can feel him touching me again. They don't know that I already fucking know its not normal, I know I'm not normal. Normal people don't evaluate their scenarios every 5 seconds because they are scared someone is watching them. Normal fucking people don't hear the voices and see movement that's not there... But how do I tell them that I know I am crazy already, how do I tell them that I only know that because I get this stupid fucking feeling everytime I am on my own. They don't understand the fucking feeling. Noone will ever understand how I can feel myself going further into insanity and I don't know how to stop it...