Change My Mind

26

    I gave the door three short knocks. The sky was dark with grey clouds, threatening to pour rain any minute. There was an odd chill in the air, and something seemed... off.

        When Louis opened the door, it was an understatement to say he was surprised. He just looked at me, not moving, not talking, just standing there. 

        "Hi." I started.

        "H-hey." He said as if he were nervous to be seeing me. He grabbed my hand hesitantly and pulled me inside. He shut the door as I dropped my bag on the floor along with my jacket,

        "You, umm. I was worried something was wrong, so I just came.." I said. He turned to face me,

        "Everything's fine." He muttered. I smiled, not really sure if I should believe him, he was acting.. strange. 

        I chose to let it go. I pulled him into a hug,

        "I've missed you." I said, I haven't seen him in a week. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me incredibly close. He buried his head into the crook of my neck. He was holding me so tightly, so strong, almost as if it were the last time I would ever see him. His heart was pumping hard, I could feel the thump rumble his chest. I could feel his hand slide up my back and slowly play with my hair. He ran his long fingers through it and I could hear him sniffling. Was he crying? I pulled away hesitantly. His eyes were red and slightly puffy. It had looked like he was just about to cry,

        "What's the matter, Lou?" I ask. My chest started to hurt as the worry ran throughout my body. He put his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. "You send me a random message telling me we need to talk, I'm here; talk to me." 

        "I can't." He blurted. 

        "You can't what? You can't talk to me?" I asked, I was majorly confused. 

         "Katie..." He whispered, so small it was hardly audible. My heart raced, it pounded against my chest.

        "Wha- what is going on Louis?" I asked, my voice quiet. He took a step back so he could look down into my eyes. He inhaled a large, shaky breath,

        "It's Eleanor." He finally said. I stared at him for a while. His lip was quivering and his eyes were a little darker blue than usual. My stomach swirled, making me want to vomit.  

        "What about her?" I earged. I was scared. I felt like I knew what he would say, just by the look on his face.

        "Don't be mad." He said instead. I furrowed my brows, making me more afraid than before. 

        "Louis.." I dragged. What was he going to do? What was he going to say? He looked around the room frantically; why was he so nervous? He squinted his eyes, bringing his fingers to his lips,

        "I- I..." He started. I placed my hands on top of my head, my impatience got the best of me,

        "What?!" I asked, tired of him moving around what he was going to say. 

        "Eleanor..." He carried. It was taking him so long to answer a simple question; what did Eleanor want. "...She wants to get back together." He said in a low tone. I exhaled a large breath, one I didn't know I was holding in; there was a  long silence as I took my time to process what he had just said. 

        "You said no, right?" I asked. He put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. I sighed a long, deep sigh, "Louis? You said no didn't you?" He looked up and shook his head,

        "I didn't say no." I felt like the walls in the room were closing me in. I didn't know if what he said was true. Did I just imagine the words? Was I dreaming?

        "If this is a joke, then it's not funny." I said, seriously. My chest became heavier, my heart rate was picking up to an incredible pace, my hands started to shake when I could feel my eyes swell; I tried pushing back the tears. 

        "Katie.." He said quietly. I shook my head frantically. I felt... almost mad. I don't know, I guess when you feel like your world is falling apart you just get angry.

        "This isn't funny Louis." I tried again. He had to be joking, right?

        "I... I still love her." He muttered.

        "Are you kidding me!?" I said instantly. I pushed him away when he took a step closer. I wiped a stray tear that I couldn't hold back.

        "Katie," He said again, stepping closer to me. I pushed him away as far as I could,

        "How could you do this too me!?" I yelled. A few tears fell effortlessly now. 

        "Katie, I didn't mean to-"

        "Mean to what? Break up with Eleanor and date me for what? Pity? Did you feel sorry for me or something?"

        "Of course not!" He insisted. I wiped away the tears on my face, though they kept coming,

        "I can't believe you would do this to me." I cried. I put my hands over my eyes, and cried into them. I could hear him walk up to me, he put his arms around me. I pushed him away, "Don't touch me!" His eyes radiated off hurt, 

        "Katie, I never meant to hurt you." He said desperately. I shook my head,

        "I hate you." I didn't mean for the words to come out of my mouth. They just, did. He was shocked, I was too. 

        I walked around him and picked my bag off of the floor. I tugged on my jacket and wiped my wet face. I pressed my hand to the door,

        "Katie wait!" Louis said quickly, finally coming out of his shock. I turned my head sharply, opening the door,

        "Don't you ever, talk to me again." My voice was terribly shaky. I stormed out the door and ran to my car. My breathing was so quick as I drove away as fast as I could, though I did have to pull over in a nearby park because my eyes were too foggy to see the road properly.

        My breathing was abnormal. I cried and cried, a place where no one could hear my sobs. I couldn't contain myself, this was real. Louis had just broken up with me. He loved Eleanor, he didn't love me. He never loved me. 

        I had just lost the love of my life. ~