The things I think

Part One?!?

When I feel sad I smile, because I don't want to look weak. I hate my smiles, the fake happiness, the way that I reassure others. But I want to be the person who will can listen; the person that you can tell. But I know trust isn't given so easy.
   I am only so human; that I can be happy for so long so you know you don't need to worry about me, even if I have to cry when I'm alone.
   Sometimes I wish I could be weak in front of others; I want them to see the other side of me. Yet what will happen afterwards? Will they notice this acing feeling inside of me? What would they do? or will the just think I'm a person who's going through a phase? Another human spouting words to show others that I'm still not useless, even if it is there for your entertainment.
   I don't want to be alone, I know I denied this feeling too much, but why should I accept that feeling. I know that when something better comes, I get moved aside; This is human nature.
     Maybe another  person can talk about more things than I can, maybe you have better ground with this person, maybe they're not that hard to talk to, because I know that I can't do that. I don't watch the news, I didn't follow most trends, I have no people skills, I don't have long time connections. I know myself better than anyone else. I don't believe in myself.  But I still deny the negative feelings. Even if I know they are true.
  I never asked to be by myself, I never asked for someone to stay by me either. I never said anything. This is what most people like, not a single word from my mouth, no complaining, no long sappy emotions, no opposing ideas, no independent personality, no extra information. Because it means one less mind to worry about. I notice this a lot.
  So many people try to quietly put others down, unless it benefits them. I get put down a lot. I see others alternate my idea so it "sounds" better, and they get the credit for making this other persons idea into something better. I am only a draft, and those don't matter in the final decision.
   Even if I was the one who found the path. No one notices who had to into the forest and make the trail, they only know who made the the trail walkable.